Let me just start by saying that I have posted a lot of blogs today, 2 have been my own and one was a re-blog, and here is another one. My aim was to do one every day of the week maybe skipping a day or 2. (So my sincere apologies to my followers who receive this via email but this is something that I feel I MUST write about) I was going to put it off until tomorrow and go to bed but something kept telling me to do it now.
What is Perfection to you; do any of you think that you are perfect? Or is there something you do not like about yourself. Some do not like their noses, some do not like their height, and some don’t like the colour of their hair or lack thereof….. I used to be like that, I used to hate me… I really did.
Now before I continue I want to just say how difficult this post is and its only just in the beginning stages, as I sit here and type I fear of being judged by those reading this, even though most of you are complete strangers that I have never met, but have had the pleasure of communicating via blogging. I truly believe that this blog is instrumental in my healing process and in order for me to truly heal in this area of my life I feel I need to write about it. It is after all what the purpose of this blog was my experiences and how the Lord is healing and changing me every minute of every day.
SO back to the elusive perfection that every one so desperately seeks, like I said I used to be one of those people that found fault with everything, I didn’t like my hair, it was too thick and had this odd kink to it, it was not straight but not curly either.
I didn’t like my nose because I thought it was too big…. etc…. etc…. etc…. but the one thing I hated most was my body I was not at all happy with the way I looked, I felt that people would always stare at me say things behind my back etc…And the sad thing is that a lot of people (mainly women) that have the same body type as me would feel the same way. This is because I am big… I was never a thin girl NEVER… yes granted at some stage in my life I was a smaller size but I have always been big… I was teased when I was in primary school, but high school was some of the best years of my life… I was never teased or ridiculed, I would not say I was one of the popular students but I would say that I had a lot of friends and got along with everyone, and let me tell you that I had ‘THE HOTTEST” male friends lol… my female friends were all so jealous because of my male friends, I would always ask myself where on earth did something go wrong… this is not what you saw in the movies… NOT AT ALL, that is just how low my self esteem was, I thought that it was in fact all about what’s on the outside and that I didn’t deserve those friends, because they looked better than me, I think a self esteem any lower than that will be hard to find… and as I grew older I felt more like this than ever, any relationship I had was not good for me or good for my self esteem, as I was always belittled and made to feel inferior…. but I was so scared that I would not get anything better that I accepted what was happening… I hated me I hated who I was, I would always say that if someone didn’t like me as I was then (excuse my language) but “tough shit” but deep down I felt differently I so desperately wanted to be someone else.
Many years ago I gave my life to the Lord, and I met people that didn’t care about what I looked like or how much money I had etc… But they cared about me, that didn’t change how I felt about myself though I still had those doubts that I was not good enough, I was inferior. And this has been this way for most of my life. it is only recently that I have looked at the situation and changed my mind about how I see myself, I realised that yes some people were superficial and passed judgement on me because of my physical appearance, but a lot of those people whom I thought were superficial were not it was all just in my head… and my low self esteem that always expected the worse… it has taken many year to come to the point where I am right now, and becoming born again has made me realise that there is nothing wrong with me.. That’s RIGHT NOTHING… I mean come one people… who created me… GOD… and He does not make mistakes… He made me, He designed me… so there cannot possibly be anything wrong with me so I will end with this…
I MAY NOT BE PERFECT TO A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT I AM PERFECT TO GOD BECAUSE THIS IS HOW HE MADE ME.
1 Peter 3:4 – You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
1 Samuel 16:7– For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
Proverbs 31:30 – “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”