Ok so my last post was about 2011 being the best year of my life, now let’s do 2012, I am not one to make resolutions as I never seem to keep to them, in the years past I have found that I set unbelievably high goals for myself and unrealistic resolutions. This year I have decided that, I will not set any resolutions, NOT ONE. I will however make certain commitments to God and to myself, and I will take it 1 day at a time.
1st the MOST important commitment I make is to be a vessel of God’s light and allowing him to shine through me, through my attitude, my deeds, my words I want people to see a change in me, I want them to see how Great God is.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16).
The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light. (Romans 13:12)
2nd I commit to reading my bible even if it’s for 5 minutes a day but EVERY day.
3rd I commit to scripture memory; a Christian will not always have their bible handy when in “sticky” situations so being able to refer to them at any given moment is an amazing ability.
4th I commit to improving my prayer life, and spending more quiet time with God.
5thI commit to fasting, whether it be 3 days, 10 days, 21 days whatever it is, I will make this an important part of my life and will do it periodically.
6th I commit to a healthier lifestyle, eating healthier meals, drinking more water etc, start walking… while I don’t drink much alcohol anymore I do have the occasional drink, I want this to stop COMPLETELY I do not want to drink.
7th I commit to being more involved in the church whether it be volunteering as an usher or handing out pamphlets at the door whatever it is I will become more involved
8th I commit to joining a home group in my area, and meeting new people, making new Christian friends that I can encourage and also be encouraged by.
9th I commit to helping the needy wherever I can, feeding the homeless on Christmas day was an amazing experience and I commit to doing it more often not only once a year.
10th I commit to reducing the time I spend watching TV and to use that extra time to speak to God.
11th I commit to standing up for myself and to not let people walk all over me and abuse me just because I do not know how to say NO.
12th I commit to saturate my everyday life with God, whether it be reading Christian books, listening to Christian CD’s, pasting scriptures and verses all over my house, I want my life to be a constant reminder to me that I am a Christian and that I live for Jesus.
Yes so I have 12 “commitments” there are 12 months in a year so 12 commitments is an ok amount I would say. And NO I will not tackle 1 commitment a month they will all be tackled on a daily basis. And by the end of 2012 and beginning of 2013 I will be EVEN more amazed at my transformation through Jesus as what I am right now.
Well 2011 was a very difficult year for me, I wanted it to end, that clock could not have struck 12 any sooner than what it had, everyone was counting down for the new year to begin I was counting down for the old one to end, or so I thought.
Then I sat and thought about everything that has happened and thought that maybe JUST maybe 2011 was the best year yet.
I met some amazing people, had some good laughs, memories that I will cherish forever. I had to face a lot of hard truths about me and the path I was on. I lost a family member someone who I loved dearly; family secrets were revealed that shook me to the core. I had been through a rejection by someone I cared for dearly, but yet through all that today our relationship is stronger than ever and we have remained friends through it, in fact I am a stronger woman today because of him.
I suffered from severe depression, I didn’t want to live or SO I THOUGHT, but looking back at the past couple of months it was never a depression it was an emptiness something was missing in my life something that was meant to be there but just was not. Somewhere along my life Journey I lost Jesus, but 2011 was the year that I found him, the emptiness is Gone AND THAT WAS THE BEST PART OF 2011, what was missing in my life is now present, not only did I find Jesus I also found myself, the person that was buried under all the pain and heartache, the person that was consumed by her struggle.
I have made some amazing friends, some whom I have grown to depend on some who have been an inspiration. So I would like to mention some friends and family here, just to say thank you for making my 2011 great.
Firstly to Gigi (you know who you are), the friend that convinced me to write about my feelings, the whole reason I started this blog, you have been a pillar of strength to me in so many ways even though you are so far away, the times we shared when we lived together and worked together I will cherish forever, the jokes we made the laughs we had are a part of y memory and can never be erased. I LOVE YOU FRIEND, DEARLY. I can’t wait for the day when I will get so see you again, I can like to think I will pee in my JEAN PANT hahahahah ok so friend I can’t get the accent through to you on this blog but I am sure you can picture me saying it and I bet you right now you are REALLY just about to pee in your jean pant with laughter.
Then I want to thank my mother for Just being there, and doing the best she could with what she had, I Love YOU.
To my brother for being my support system month after month even though you too are struggling.
To my sister for believing in me when others sometimes didn’t.
Ok so for the sake of anonymity once again thank you to Frikkie hee hee… I complain a lot I know, and you have been the one at work that has just sat there listening to me all day long, goodness knows how annoying I must be sometimes, thank you for being someone I could talk to about work, issues, and about God, thank you for being a key player in me finding the thing that was missing in my life. Thank you to Lourens, too for putting up with my constant BBM messages asking about things that I do not understand regarding Christianity or things that I just need clarity on, thank you both for being so transparent in your love for Jesus, it was that transparency that made me want more in my life. You both are such an inspiration to me Thank you.
Thank you to Michele, even though we have never met, in the past 2 months we have become close via this blog and been an inspiration to each other, I feel a real connection to you and that connection is Jesus, I see you as a sister in Christ. Who knows maybe one day I will get to meet my new friend.
To John, also one of my new blogging friends, both you and your blog have been an inspiration, for me and I look forward to reading your blog every time I see a new post, your testimony is one that can greatly help others that are now where you have already been in your life, it was through your blog that God gave me the confirmation that I needed to do what needs to be done.
When I started this blog I never thought for one moment that I would get to interact with so many people and it is amazing, this blog has been a huge healing process for me and I never thought I would ever say this but I have discovered a new passion, and that is this blog, writing these posts have been an unbelievable healing process for me.
So to all of you who have influenced my life THANK you I pray that 2012 will be an amazing year for all of you.
ABOVE ALL, thank you Lord for filling this gap in my life, and making me the strong Woman I am today, and it just keeps getting better.
Isaiah 43:18-19 – “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
So in answering my posts title/question 2011 was by far the best year yet, bring on 2012 it can only get better.
Well for those of you that have read my previous post… YES I know it’s a long one. I made the promise to myself that the whole month I am spending looking after this house while the owners are away I will not watch any TV, NOT EVEN ONE SHOW… well I didn’t really make the promise to myself I made the promise to God, that I would take advantage of the month that I am here, to completely Immerse myself in his word, whether it be by reading the bible, reading Christian books, or blogging about Jesus, either way I am spending the time focusing on him. The last time I watched TV was on Wednesday the 7th of December, while the Thursday I forgot my promise and was about to switch the TV on, this little voice said NO remember your promise… well let me tell you something, under normal circumstances I would have been going crazy, not being able to chill in front of the TV to watch a show or 2.
Its not like that though, I am loving spending some alone time, to learn more and more about God, it really is so AMAZING that, everyday there is something new and something even greater, to learn about him. It is like I can’t get home quick enough to just be with God, its almost like a love affair so to speak, except its not secret. I want everyone to know that I am in a loving relationship with Jesus, and that if they just gave him the chance he so RIGHTLY DESERVES they could have that exact same relationship, each and every one of us have been ordained to do something magnificent for The Lord, and that is VERY EXCITING…
Well so far so good on my NO TV PROMISE, I will be sure to keep you all posted.
One more thing before I go I feel the need to list some of the blogs I follow, all these blogs below are an amazing source of inspiration, and some are of personal testimony, I great source of scripture and insight into the Bible and Jesus himself, so do yourself a favour and go and have a look why don’t you.
So here they are:
Lions Lead – This blog is truly inspirational, I have had the pleasure of meeting Lourens de Lange, who is the man behind Lions Lead, I have read some of his blogs before this blog even began, and loved it so much that I sent it to all my friends to read, and it ended up being posted on a very well known South African Christian magazines website, I truly believe that God has the most awesome plan for his life and I am almost certain that part of the plan is for him to write, think about it why would God bless him with such an AMAZING talent if it was not his intention to make use of it. So do yourself a favour go and take a look at this blog I PROMISE YOU that you will be blessed, just like I was.
All Things Beautiful – While I have never met this lady, I have been inspired by every single one of her posts, I found something from each one that I could apply to my OWN life which has helped me tremendously, she also happens to be the sister of the Lourens who writes the blog above, so if his character is anything to go by and his relationship with the Lord is anything to go by then I am sure she is just as Great. Each and every one of her blogs if God Focused which is fantastic, and you are bound to find some inspiration there too.
Allowing Christ to change y life – Well what can I say about this one, I find that every one of her blogs to be inspirational, she has had some hard issues in life that needed dealing with and she has come out a strong passion filled warrior for Jesus, more than that I also have never met her, in fact I don’t even know her name( I am sure if I search through her blog I will find it) I feel this connection to her, I don’t know what it is but it’s there, also very insightful inspirational
Well these 3 blogs are the 3 blogs that I felt the need to mention again, I am speaking from experience here that if you feel somewhat confused, down, or just needing answers you will find something to inspire you in one of these blogs.
I have one small request, if anyone reading this will re-blog it, not because I want people to read my blog, but because I want people to be as inspired by Jesus as I am.
Have a blessed weekend fellow Bloggers
Let me just start by saying that I have posted a lot of blogs today, 2 have been my own and one was a re-blog, and here is another one. My aim was to do one every day of the week maybe skipping a day or 2. (So my sincere apologies to my followers who receive this via email but this is something that I feel I MUST write about) I was going to put it off until tomorrow and go to bed but something kept telling me to do it now.
What is Perfection to you; do any of you think that you are perfect? Or is there something you do not like about yourself. Some do not like their noses, some do not like their height, and some don’t like the colour of their hair or lack thereof….. I used to be like that, I used to hate me… I really did.
Now before I continue I want to just say how difficult this post is and its only just in the beginning stages, as I sit here and type I fear of being judged by those reading this, even though most of you are complete strangers that I have never met, but have had the pleasure of communicating via blogging. I truly believe that this blog is instrumental in my healing process and in order for me to truly heal in this area of my life I feel I need to write about it. It is after all what the purpose of this blog was my experiences and how the Lord is healing and changing me every minute of every day.
SO back to the elusive perfection that every one so desperately seeks, like I said I used to be one of those people that found fault with everything, I didn’t like my hair, it was too thick and had this odd kink to it, it was not straight but not curly either.
I didn’t like my nose because I thought it was too big…. etc…. etc…. etc…. but the one thing I hated most was my body I was not at all happy with the way I looked, I felt that people would always stare at me say things behind my back etc…And the sad thing is that a lot of people (mainly women) that have the same body type as me would feel the same way. This is because I am big… I was never a thin girl NEVER… yes granted at some stage in my life I was a smaller size but I have always been big… I was teased when I was in primary school, but high school was some of the best years of my life… I was never teased or ridiculed, I would not say I was one of the popular students but I would say that I had a lot of friends and got along with everyone, and let me tell you that I had ‘THE HOTTEST” male friends lol… my female friends were all so jealous because of my male friends, I would always ask myself where on earth did something go wrong… this is not what you saw in the movies… NOT AT ALL, that is just how low my self esteem was, I thought that it was in fact all about what’s on the outside and that I didn’t deserve those friends, because they looked better than me, I think a self esteem any lower than that will be hard to find… and as I grew older I felt more like this than ever, any relationship I had was not good for me or good for my self esteem, as I was always belittled and made to feel inferior…. but I was so scared that I would not get anything better that I accepted what was happening… I hated me I hated who I was, I would always say that if someone didn’t like me as I was then (excuse my language) but “tough shit” but deep down I felt differently I so desperately wanted to be someone else.
Many years ago I gave my life to the Lord, and I met people that didn’t care about what I looked like or how much money I had etc… But they cared about me, that didn’t change how I felt about myself though I still had those doubts that I was not good enough, I was inferior. And this has been this way for most of my life. it is only recently that I have looked at the situation and changed my mind about how I see myself, I realised that yes some people were superficial and passed judgement on me because of my physical appearance, but a lot of those people whom I thought were superficial were not it was all just in my head… and my low self esteem that always expected the worse… it has taken many year to come to the point where I am right now, and becoming born again has made me realise that there is nothing wrong with me.. That’s RIGHT NOTHING… I mean come one people… who created me… GOD… and He does not make mistakes… He made me, He designed me… so there cannot possibly be anything wrong with me so I will end with this…
I MAY NOT BE PERFECT TO A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT I AM PERFECT TO GOD BECAUSE THIS IS HOW HE MADE ME.
1 Peter 3:4 – You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
1 Samuel 16:7– For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
Proverbs 31:30 – “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”