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Crippling Negative Thoughts


negative-thinkingOK, so it’s been a VERY long time since I have posted here, from posting almost every day to 1 post in a blue moon, honestly it’s not because I did not want to but because I had nothing to write about, no inspiration, no stories to tell, no thoughts to share.

I must admit I do miss it as it was a release, or perhaps even an escape from reality, which sort of makes sense considering in the past year I haven’t had that need to escape, the need to run the need to be alone with my thoughts, the past year has been amazing, I have had so much happiness.

This is why I am here today. I know I have posted something similar before but I felt the need to do so again, somehow it all feels too good to be true as if I do not deserve all this happiness and it could be ripped away at any moment. These negative thoughts started creeping in my mind last night while my boyfriend was packing to go away for a conference, you see HE is the source of my recent happiness, I don’t remember the last time I have been this happy as I have been with him.

What you are about to read has been something I have struggled with for many years, but yesterday it came back with such an intensity that I started to cry. While you read this you might think I am crazy but I can assure you I am not, and unless you have experienced this there is no way for you to understand what it feels like to have these thoughts invade your mind and then when they are there to struggle to change them from a negative to a positive.

While my boyfriend was packing I looked at him and suddenly the thought that I would never see him again was all I could think about, these thoughts are not only scary but almost crippling, all I could think about was, what if… what if something happened and he never came home, where does that leave me… it got to the point that if I had remained in the room with him I would have burst into tears. so I got up and went to shower, in the shower the feelings just overwhelmed me and I could not stop the tears from coming, that did not last long though I stood in the shower and the first thing that came to my mind was GOD & CHURCH… why ??? I have no idea but it did. So I prayed for Shaun’s Safety and that he would return home to me. I then realized that my relationship with God has not been what it was. So I made a promise to not only fix that but to try and get Shaun to accept Him as well.

After showering I sat on the bed and thought to myself that I would discuss going back to church with  Shaun some other time, but something kept telling do it now, if you don’t do it now you never will. So I decided to tell Shaun and I did, he responded better than I had hoped he said it’s something he has been thinking about as well and that he is all open to us going to church.

So that is what we will be doing and it feels good.

There is still one thing though the negative thoughts while they went away last night after my decision they came back today, but now as writing this the negative thoughts are once again gone, however I know at some point they will return, does anyone else suffer from kind of anxiety and how do you deal with it?

It will be nice to hear from you guys.

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God’s Apple or Bad Apples?


Hello Bloggers,

I must admit the past few days I have struggled with words; I was actually so worried that I had run out of topics to blog about. Anyway today at work something happened that got me thinking, about marriage and settling down etc. Just hear me out I have not decided that I want to get married or anything like that it was just today’s occurrences that got me thinking.

We have a lady at work who has not been working there for a very long time however she has that type of personality that everyone gets along with her, she came to speak to myself and a colleague today, now I have NO idea how we got onto this topic but she had asked my colleague if he was single, he confirmed that he had been single for almost a year, so she said he needs to get out more and meet people etc. You know the usual that people say when they come across a “single” person like as if it is a terrible thing to be single. Then she went on to saying that she will find him someone …LOL, he then told her that he does get out and meet people (women) through friends etc but they are not his type meaning they are not right for him, maybe they drink too much and he hardly drinks etc. Once again she said she would find him someone.

Then she asked me, and I said the same thing and she basically told me the same thing that she will try and find me someone with the same interests as me.

Now at this point I was intrigued by this whole topic so brought up the question why is it she thinks she needs to help us find “Love” so to speak, we pretty capable of doing that ourselves too. The thing is when you are single people seem to make assumptions that either there is something wrong with you or perhaps you not working hard enough at finding someone… never once do they say oh ok you single because that’s what you want.

I have just turned 31, and I am single and quite frankly that does not bother me in the slightest, although I am being harassed by my family “when you getting married?” “When will you settle down?” You are not getting any younger you know! Etc. You see I dated a few guys and none of them were right, I have suffered rejection like most people have so I made the decision that I was no longer going to rush into something i.e. a relationship just for the sake of being in one. Let me try to put it more plainly, if you buy a bag of apples and the WHOLE bag except 1 apple is rotten, what are you going to do? Are you going to eat all those rotten apples and then eat the apple that’s the best… or will you just eat the good apple, think about it I know that is a bit of a silly comparison but it’s true, I am not going to go through all the bad apples first and THEN eat the good one, just the same as I am not going to go into a relationship if I do not feel that its right.  

I firmly believe that God has big plans for me for all of us, and when the time is right, it will be according to his plan for my life whether that is now, a year from now, or 10 years from now it does not matter, and people need to accept that, not all of us are dependent on having a significant other. Oh and I have seen that before where people are so dependant of another person that they are too scared to end abusive relationships because they are TOO afraid of being alone… but in reality being alone is not the problem.

The problem is who you are depending on, don’t depend on other people depend on God, and allow Him to fulfil His plan for your life only then will you KNOW when something is right. The way I see it is God did not create for us each 20 soul mates we each have 1 and why should I continue to waste my time on something that is going nowhere?

Genesis 2:24 – For this reason a man will leave his mother and father and be united to his wife, and they will become 1 flesh.

So there you have it it’s obvious, it does not say that 10 men will leave their parents to marry the same wife, or vice versa it says A MAN (meaning 1 man) will leave his mother and father and be united with his wife.

Matthew 19:6 – So they are no longer two, but one, therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.

Here it says they are no longer 2 but 1 not 5 but 1. So I no longer will waste my time being in a relationship “just because” that is what is acceptable in society or because that is what people want from me, it’s not what other people want that matters to me it’s WHAT GOD wants that matters.

Yes everyone likes having that other person around, to share things with, someone that is not family but also not just a friend, I will be the first to admit that it IS nice having someone around, but when you sit and think about it, does that relationship have any MEANING at all when it is not what God wants, is it still so nice when at the end of the day you are headed for a dead end street, no its not because someone always gets hurt.

Spending your life with someone is a HUGE commitment, not one to be taken lightly either. A friend wrote a blog some time ago about marriage and that if you get married you need to be a warrior as it is a commitment that is made between 2 people and you can’t just up and leave when things get tough which is what so many married and unmarried couples do today, that is why it is SO important that you make the right choices in life, here is a link to his post go and take a read.

Lions Lead – “For Better or Worse… Really? Hope you all enjoyed this post as much as I have.

God Bless

Deep in love with YOU!


A while ago a friend, posted a Blog and made reference to the song, deep in love with you by Michael W. Smith, I had never heard this song before but after reading his post I had gone out to buy the Album, now I know I have posted about my Love for God, but I felt the need to do another post, I was telling a friend at work that I cannot explain this feeling, this Love I have for the Lord, it’s unlike any love I have EVER experienced, and told him that this song is what comes to mind. When I think of the amount of Love I feel for the lord this song best describes it, and yet at the same time does not FULLY describe it, so I thought I would get the lyrics and post it here for you to read, for those of you that have never heard this song do yourself a favour and get it.  While you are at it go and take a look at my friend’s blog, and may it bless you as much as it has blessed me. Pierced by your loving Gaze.

Deep In Love with You (Michael W. Smith)

 

Sitting at your feet is where I wanna be

I’m home when I am here with you

Ruined by your grace, enamoured by your gaze

I can’t resist the tenderness in you

 

I’m deep in love with you, Abba Father

I’m deep in love with you Lord

My heart it beats for you, precious Jesus

I’m deep in love with you, Lord

 

Humbled and amazed that you would call my name

I never have to search again

There’s a deep desire that’s burning like a fire

To know you as my closest friend

 

I’m deep in love with you, Abba Father

I’m deep in love with you Lord

My heart it beats for you, precious Jesus

I’m deep in love with you, Lord

 

 I’m deep in love with you, Abba Father

I’m deep in love with you Lord

My heart it beats for you, precious Jesus

I’m deep in love with you, Lord

 

Lord my redeemer, your blood runs through my veins

My love for you is deeper than it was yesterday

I enter through the curtain and parted by your grace

Lord you’re the lover of my soul

 

I’m deep in love with you lord

 

I’m deep in love with you, Abba Father

I’m deep in love with you Lord

My heart it beats for you, precious Jesus

I’m deep in love with you, Lord

 

I’m deep in love with you, Abba Father

I’m deep in love with you Lord

My heart it beats for you, precious Jesus

I’m deep in love with you, Lord

 

I’m deep in love with you, Abba Father

I’m deep in love with you Lord

My heart it beats for you, precious Jesus

I’m deep in love with you, Lord

 

Abba Father

I’m deep in love with you Lord

My heart it beats for you, precious Jesus

I’m deep in love with you, Lord

 

I’m deep in love with you, Abba Father

I’m deep in love with you Lord

My heart it beats for you, precious Jesus

I’m deep in love with you, Lord

 

My heart it beats for you, precious Jesus

I’m deep in love with you, Lord

My heart it beats for you, precious Jesus

I’m deep in love with you, Lord

 

My Prayer is that whoever reads this blog gets to experience the same love that I am speaking of, it is the most amazin feeling in the world.

God, me & my Church(es)


Well you ask why I refer to Church(es) well here is my story so you can understand, I was born to a catholic family, but once my father had passed away we never really continued going to church, all my life I felt a sense of emptiness inside and I could never understand what it was, I tried everything to fill that void to close that gap in my life but nothing worked, and any years ago when I was still in school my friend asked me to go with her to church, now even though I never really went to church the view I had of church at that time was the catholic way. Well I know it as the catholic way, certain rules that need to be followed etc, then I go to this other church, at the time the biggest church I had ever seen, and they way the did things were so different I mean the way they praised God was by singing really cool songs that you can dance and clap along to, however I didn’t know that even existed and was shocked beyond belief and swore I would never go back, then I tried the Jehovah Witness church and there they didn’t celebrate Christmas and believed that only a select few would join God in heaven, it seemed at the time that I would not find what I was looking for, and that with so many different beliefs it lead me to doubt in God’s existence and whether he was even real.

About 2 years after this the same friend invited me to church again, and after a lot of thought I had decided to go again, and that was the first time that I accepted Jesus into my life, since then I have accepted him many times but that was the beginning of the journey I am on today, I was hooked, I loved this church and the way they worshiped God, it made me want to come back for more it made me excited and … it filled the gap which was something I had been searching for.

This church was called Christian Family Church, I had become a member of that church and made many good friends there, it really felt like my home, but it was very far and at the time I didn’t have a car, so eventually stopped going it was like I had moved out of my parents home and had to fend for myself, I tried so many churches and not one church that I went to did I feel like I belonged and slowly but surely my faith started to waver and I was forgetting who I was, went back to my old ways and forgot about God, that void returned, the emptiness was back. Then about 2 years ago I decided again to go back to church I went to this church again while it was still very far for me to travel at least I had my own car, I went for about a year, it was a struggle financially and even though I was getting closer to the lord I still struggled with believing in him, the whole I will believe it when I see it was still a big factor in my life, so I never believed that he would ,make a way for me to get there so once again I stopped going to church.

Up until a few months ago I felt that emptiness was back in my life, I made a decision that I had to go back to church, but that at that time the church I wanted to be at really was far and that I should try another church, I had the strong desire to try Rhema Bible Church, all the years I have lived close to this church but had refused to go because of “stories”  I had heard about Pastor Ray, so all this aside I decided to give this church a try, even though I felt that no church could take the place of Christian Family Church, but when I went to this church I immediately felt like I belonged, I felt at peace and I cried, it was like that emptiness had vanished instantly, while I know that church does not take the emptiness away God does, but God sent me there because at this point in my life that is where I need to be, so I have 2 churches, and 2 homes and where ever I go to the one that is far or the one that is close I will always have a home, these are 2 different churches, but they serve the same God, and one is not better than the other they are both very important to me as both have been a part of my life.

So thank you to Dr’s Theo and Beverly Wolmarans from Christian Family Church, I have been so inspired by both of you and the work you do, it makes me want to be a better person, whenever I hear you speak it is like I cannot get enough, I have heard you share your experiences from the beginning when you just started out to what you have achieved today and none of that could have been possible without Jesus, and then thank you to Pastor Ray McCauley for too being an inspiration, God has given you and amazing gift to preach his word, and you are an inspiration to many. I feel like I have two spiritual homes in these two churches what could be better than that….

Thank you Jesus for bringing these churches and people into my life each at a time when I needed it most, I will be eternally grateful to you for speaking to my heart through them and pray that MANY more souls will be saved as a result of these AMAZING warriors. I know I will continue to be blessed by ALL of them. I live to serve you God whether it be in Boksburg or Randburg you are still the main reason.

Was blind but now I see


The Lord has really opened my eyes to things I never quite noticed before and although I have brought this up briefly in one of my previous posts I just want to touch briefly on what I mean by this statement. Let me take you through the workings of my mind right now

These are all things that I have overlooked previously, or chose not to see because I was too concerned with my own life, and my own problems.

 

So here is a few of the things I now see, and it is like I have some extra vision that these things that previously went unnoticed are now in full view for me to see.

 

I see the little boy who lost his father when he was young and lives with a mother that locks him indoors when he has been naughty

I see the mother sitting on the street with her little baby begging for money for food

I see the teenager with no future because he has lived on the street all his life

I see the father and his son running for a taxi with heavy suitcases because they don’t have a car

I see the young girl running out of church on a Sunday with tears streaming down her face don’t know why

I see the old lady tired standing at her car digging in her bag for 15 minutes and she can’t find her keys

I see the security guard being fired for switching the electric fence off to remove something that had fallen on the fence

I see the lady in my office trying desperately for a baby but does not realise that God is the only answer

I see my brother who is trying his best to keep his business running and asks for a little help from me but I am getting annoyed with him

I see my mother who did the best she could with the little she had, and I did not appreciate it

I see the elderly lady standing on the street corner and I always wind up my window

I see the lady who realises that she is in the wrong lane in traffic and cuts in front of me and I get annoyed

I see the cleaners at work who probably earn a 3rd of what I do make a living and yet I complain because I do not have enough

 

This is just some of what I see; every day the list gets longer.  What is it that you see?

 

I want to help, but where do I start? So how about 1 person at a time and 1 day at a time.

 

Prov. 19:17 – When you help the poor you are lending to the Lord–and he pays wonderful interest on your loan!

Christians dealing with Anger


I have seen this scripture before but never have I looked at it and applied it to my own life. I am ashamed to say but today this scripture applies to me.

 

 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult (Proverbs 12:16). 

 

I had an argument with a co worker today, he said something that made me angry, when I get angry I either shake like a leaf or I start to cry, today was both. I got mad and snapped back at this person. Normally this would not bother me; I mean I have had arguments before with many people. We both end up saying things and eventually we get over it at some point or another. Today was different though, it bothered me so much that it was all I could think about all the way home, when I got home the first thing I did was went down on my knees by my bed like we used to do when we were kids and prayed. I mean literally went on my knees, I prayed for forgiveness and letting myself get so angry when all this time I have been working towards the Goal, and that is to become what God wants me to be, I am certain that the person that retaliated today is not the person that God intended me to be.

 

Obviously I cannot take anything back, I have apologised but to try and fix this I need to know what the bible says about it, I am aware that there are many scriptures related to anger, I just never took the time to find out what they were, so let’s look at it together

 

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18)

 

I know that some if not all of y words towards my colleague were reckless, why? Because I never took a minute to think about what I was about to say I just retaliated immediately. I do that often it is something I need to work on, not thinking before I speak. While the things he said to me were hurtful I am almost certain the things I said to him were just as hurtful, I don’t know what his reason was but what was mine, what reason did I have to go off the way I did, what is my excuse?…. THERE IS NO EXCUSE I’m afraid.

 

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1)

 

Instead of saying something like “sorry you feel that way” I fought back. All my life that’s has been my coping mechanism, is to fight back, to retaliate. It clearly is the completely wrong way in which to handle the situation, but it was the only way I knew how, and while I now know better I still struggle to control what comes out my mouth and the reactions I may give.

 

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1)

 

This Scripture is one that should be locked away somewhere in your memory, to be able to refer back to it in times like this when you feel anger, I think if I have read this scripture 5 times in my entire life it is a lot, had I known this scripture better and kept it in my memory ,maybe today would have ended differently

 

It is to a man’s honour to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel (Proverbs 20:3)

 

I should have been big enough to avoid this confrontation, but instead I fought back instantly.

 

You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, “Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.” But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment … first go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:21-24)

 

If I want to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, I HAVE to learn to control my anger, and I need to learn to forgive for without that I am headed nowhere.

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

 

This one is another scripture that I feel should be memorised, and referred to in times of need.

 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you (Ephesians 4:29-32).

 

So here is what I plan to do, every day I will read the above scripture, and while I am only human, and might still falter, I have at least acknowledged the error in my ways, that is the first step. I prayed and asked God to help me, because this is something that I cannot do in my own strength. I have every faith that with time, I will with God’s help learn to control this and hopefully stop doing it all together

 

 

I found this poem on the internet and for me it pretty much sums up the effect of anger

 

Emotional Explosions…

 

Anger, a spark, within all of us.

There, anger is lurking, waiting to

Ignite the dynamite that will

Cause an explosion of words,

And actions, that cannot be taken back.

 

Anger, is the roadblock, to anything

And everything, worthwhile in life.

 

Anger, seemingly an involuntary reaction,

to rejection of thought or action.

 

Anger, an interpretation, of unacceptable behaviour.

 

Anger, almost always followed by regret.

 

Anger, an emotion. Whose children are,

Anxiety, fear, frustration, animosity, passion,

outrage and a thousands of other, emotionally

Affecting articulations.

 

Anger, the replacement of reason.

 

What is the enemy of anger? The

Enemy of anger, is, patience, understanding

And love.

 

Anger, the emotion, the world would be

Far better off, without.

 

Anger and bitterness toward anything or anyone, is so destructive for our lives and we need to do everything we can to avoid it. I would love to hear from all of you how you deal with anger. Always good when you are trying to get another person’s perspective on situations like these

 

Healing with the Lord


Let me just start by saying that I have posted a lot of blogs today, 2 have been my own and one was a re-blog, and here is another one. My aim was to do one every day of the week maybe skipping a day or 2. (So my sincere apologies to my followers who receive this via email but this is something that I feel I MUST write about) I was going to put it off until tomorrow and go to bed but something kept telling me to do it now.

What is Perfection to you; do any of you think that you are perfect? Or is there something you do not like about yourself. Some do not like their noses, some do not like their height, and some don’t like the colour of their hair or lack thereof….. I used to be like that, I used to hate me… I really did.

Now before I continue I want to just say how difficult this post is and its only just in the beginning stages, as I sit here and type I fear of being judged by those reading this, even though most of you are complete strangers that I have never met, but have had the pleasure of communicating via blogging. I truly believe that this blog is instrumental in my healing process and in order for me to truly heal in this area of my life I feel I need to write about it. It is after all what the purpose of this blog was my experiences and how the Lord is healing and changing me every minute of every day.

SO back to the elusive perfection that every one so desperately seeks, like I said I used to be one of those people that found fault with everything,  I didn’t like my hair, it was too thick and had this odd kink to it, it was not straight but not curly either.

I didn’t like my nose because I thought it was too big…. etc…. etc…. etc…. but the one thing I hated most was my body I was not at all happy with the way I looked, I felt that people would always stare at me say things behind my back etc…And the sad thing is that a lot of people (mainly women) that have the same body type as me would feel the same way.  This is because I am big… I was never a thin girl NEVER… yes granted at some stage in my life I was a smaller size but I have always been big… I was teased when I was in primary school, but high school was some of the best years of my life…  I was never teased or ridiculed, I would not say I was one of the popular students but I would say that I had a lot of friends and got along with everyone, and let me tell you that I had ‘THE HOTTEST” male friends lol… my female friends were all so jealous because of my male friends, I would always ask myself where on earth did something go wrong… this is not what you saw in the movies… NOT AT ALL, that is just how low my self esteem was, I thought that it was in fact all about what’s on the outside and that I didn’t deserve those friends, because they looked better than me, I think a self esteem any lower than that will be hard to find… and as I grew older I felt more like this than ever, any relationship I had was not good for me or good for my self esteem, as I was always belittled and made to feel inferior…. but I was so scared that I would not get anything better that I accepted what was happening… I hated me I hated who I was, I would always say that if someone didn’t like me as I was then (excuse my language) but “tough shit” but deep down I felt differently I so desperately wanted to be someone else.

Many years ago I gave my life to the Lord, and I met people that didn’t care about what I looked like or how much money I had etc… But they cared about me, that didn’t change how I felt about myself though I still had those doubts that I was not good enough, I was inferior. And this has been this way for most of my life. it is only recently that I have looked at the situation and changed my mind about how I see myself, I realised that yes some people were superficial and passed judgement on me because of my physical appearance, but a lot of those people whom I thought were superficial were not it was all just in my head… and my low self esteem that always expected the worse… it has taken many year to come to the point where I am right now, and becoming born again has made me realise that there is nothing wrong with me.. That’s RIGHT NOTHING… I mean come one people… who created me… GOD… and He does not make mistakes… He made me, He designed me… so there cannot possibly be anything wrong with me so I will end with this…

I MAY NOT BE PERFECT TO A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT I AM PERFECT TO GOD BECAUSE THIS IS HOW HE MADE ME.

 

1 Peter 3:4 – You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

 

1 Samuel 16:7– For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.

 

Proverbs 31:30 – “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

My Growing love for God


So this morning’s blog is about how my relationship with the Lord has grown in such a short period of time, when I started this journey it started off as – I must go to church it is the right thing to do, I must read my bible because it’s the right thing to do, I must pray because it is the right thing to do. Now it’s different, I don’t feel like it’s a chore anymore I don’t feel like it’s something I have to do, I WANT to do it.

 

For those that know me well know that I love to read, my favourite author being Lesley Pearse, when I start reading one of her books I cannot put it down it takes me 2 days and I am done, now I never thought of the bible this way, but this morning when I woke up I started reading my bible, and I kept wanting to read more of it, while I was reading it I felt this overwhelming sense of love come over me, I felt so safe, and once again the tears filled my eyes. They were not tears of sadness they were tears of love.

 

Yesterday was quite an emotional day for me, I read a blog about a girl who spoke of her father, the amount of love she had for him and what he meant to her, and that she cannot imagine what it must feel like for someone that has lost their father or a loved one. When I read this blog I became so emotional, because I was reminded of the fact that I am one of those people who have lost my father, he died when I was still very young so I do not remember him much. I just felt so sad that I didn’t have what other people had and there are many like me who have lost both parents not just one. I don’t think I have ever missed my father as much as what I did yesterday, and I would have given anything just to have him back just for one day.

 

This morning though when I read my bible I had this feeling of my father being there, not my birth father but God, he was there and I just got this feeling of him being there to comfort me, it was like he was telling me I am your Father, I want to be here for you, and I want that Father daughter relationship with you that you so desperately want. I felt like a little girl sitting on my father’s lap, it was the most amazing experience ever, this is why I know my relationship with the lord is growing, I feel his presence at the most unexpected times, and yet it is those times when I feel that I need him most. I am his little girl, and he is my daddy.

 

I found this poem on the net and the words are so beautiful and so I decided to share it with you.

 

My precious daughter,

I will never leave you,

I will never forsake you,

I will be faithful until the end,

You are more than just “my daughter”

You are my princess,

My beloved, my delight,

I rejoice in you,

You are beautiful,

You shine with light,

You have dove’s eyes,

I rejoice in you with singing,

I will quiet you with my love,

Hold you in my arms,

Never let you go,

For you are never alone,

You never have been alone,

I’ve been with you all along,

Your whole life,

 

I understand your pain,

My sacrifice wasn’t for nothing,

Let me tell you I understand your confusion,

I understand your anger and frustration,

I understand your tears,

And I care,

Very much,

For you,

Everything that is important to you,

Is important to me too,

My love for you will never end,

I will not leave you for another,

I will not abandon you ever,

No matter how far you go,

My love will never end.

 

I have examined your heart,

I know everything about you,

When you sit down or stand up,

I know your thoughts,

Even when you are far away,

I see you when you travel,

Or when you rest at home,

I see the tears that fall from your eyes,

I see the heartache in your home,

Believe me I know the lies,

I know the temptations,

But I am here,

I know what you are going to say,

Even before you say it.

I go before you and follow,

I place my hand of blessing on your head,

Such knowledge is beyond comprehension,

It is too wonderful for you to understand,

You can never escape from my Spirit,

You can never get away from my presence!

If you go up to heaven, I am there;

If you go down to the grave, I am there.

If you ride the wings of the morning,

If you dwell by the farthest oceans,

Even there my hand will guide you,

And my strength will support you.

 

You could ask the darkness to hide you,

And the light around you to become night,

But even in darkness you cannot hide from me,

To me night shine as day,

Darkness and light are the same to me,

I made all the delicate, inner parts of your body,

I made your heart,

I know what makes you hurt,

I know what makes you cry,

I know what makes you tick,

I know what breaks your heart the most,

And I know how to comfort you,

I know how to make you smile,

I know how to love you,

I know how to be a daddy, who loves,

Such a beautiful daughter like you,

You long for acceptance,

When you were already accepted into my family,

You are fearfully and wonderfully made,

I love you more than you know,

I will fill your heart with the love and peace you long for,

I saw you before you were born,

I knit you together in your mother’s womb,

Even then I loved you,

And I was proud of you,

And I thought of you as my beautiful daughter, my princess,

Every day of your life is recorded in my book,

Every moment was laid out,

Every moment that would bring you joy,

Every moment that would bring you pain.

 

My thoughts about you are precious,

They cannot be numbered,

They outnumber the grains of sand,

And when you wake up in the morning,

I am still with you,

I love you more than you know,

You are beautiful to me,

Even though you feel something is always wrong,

Just look into my eyes,

See how I see you,

A beautiful princess,

With beautiful eyes that shine with my love and my light,

I love you,

And I will say it again,

I love you,

My princess, my beloved,

My precious daughter,

 

I love you,

I love you,

I love you.

 

Don’t give up,

For I see the brokenness in your families,

In your friendships,

I see the pain in your eyes,

Your beautiful heart,

That used to be so filled joy,

Is now crushed beneath your burdens,

But you’re still beautiful to me,

So beautiful to me,

I will heal you and restore you once again,

 

My precious daughter,

I will never leave you,

I will never forsake you,

I will be faithful until the end,

 

Faithful until the end…

 

Your loving Father and Daddy, Prince of Peace, King of Glory,

-Jesus.

Generous Giving


John 3:16: – For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life.

Out of all the scriptures I have read in my life this one remains the one at the top of my list, the one that I refer to in time of need, regardless of what I am going through or what I am feeling, this Scripture always brings me back to reality, what I mean by this is that previously in my life when I went through difficult times in my life I always let those situations get the better of me, but this scripture always had this way of humbling me in a way, here I think things are so bad and yet look at what was sacrificed for me… and for you.

Which brings me to my topic of generous giving, so many of us go about our lives and it’s all about us, what we have, how much money we make, how much we get from others, how what we do for others can benefit us… well that is not how it should be, at least I do not think so, have you ever stopped to think that if everyone that counted everything they have done for you in your life and asked for payment in return how much money would you owe everyone, well with me I think I would be repaying my debt until the day I die.

If you refer back to the scripture, how unselfish was it of God to offer up his son so that we my live, how much love did he not have for us to sacrifice that for us. I was brought up with the principle that if you give someone something you should not always expect something in return, you should give it with a good heart.

I used to be one of those people that would give someone something, hoping that someday I will get something back, why? Well because I did something good, so something good needs to come back to me, well the way I see it is if I am giving someone something and expecting something in return then that is not a good deed it is a business transaction, there is a big difference.

The past couple of weeks God’ has really opened my eyes to things I never noticed before, about a little boy who lost his father at a very young age and does not have a lot because his mom is looking after both of them on just one salary and not 2, my heart goes out to him, I was in that position, I too lost my father, I know what that feels like.

Then there are these 2 homeless children on the street, I see them every day when I go to work, and every day when I come home, I see them when I go to the shops, or when I got to church, I have never once stopped to think what they must be feeling, how hungry they must be, how much they just want a warm plate of food and maybe a hot bath.

There are so many people out there that cannot afford the things we take for granted, that just need a little help from someone, that just need someone to stretch out a helping hand and not expect anything back in return.

It is that time of year when we are all buying each other gifts and planning these great big Christmas lunches or dinners, let’s take a moment to reflect on those that will not be enjoying Christmas because they are on the streets, or because they don’t have enough money, let’s try and not think so much of ourselves and try to think more of others this festive season and give a little hope to those that don’t have any.

Ecclesiastes 5:10-15 — “Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless. As goods increase, so do those who consume them. And what benefit are they to the owner except to feast his eyes on them? The sleep of a labourer is sweet, whether he eats little or much, but the abundance of a rich man permits him no sleep. I have seen a grievous evil under the sun: wealth hoarded to the harm of its owner, or wealth lost through some misfortune, so that when he has a son there is nothing left for him. Naked a man comes from his mother’s womb, and as he comes, so he departs. He takes nothing from his labour that he can carry in his hand.”

 

2 Corinthians 8:9 — “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.”

 

2 Corinthians 9:10-11 — “Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.”

 

2 Corinthians 8:7, 13-14 — “But just as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us—see that you also excel in this grace of giving. … Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality …”

Time to Focus


The Pastor said in church on Sunday that which you focus on or meditate on becomes an extension of WHO YOU ARE!!

This statement has been on my mind since then, I am sure most of us know what it means to focus, but I will give you one very simple meaning for focus that I have recently come across

Find a project.

Occupy yourself with this project.

Concentrate all your time on this project.

Understand that nothing is more important than this project.

Succeed with this project.

While this is quite a good explanation of the word FOCUS, I still feel that it is not completely true, because there should be NO ONE or NOTHING more important than Jesus. So I have changed it slightly to suit me.

Find Jesus

Occupy myself with Jesus.

Concentrate all my time on Jesus.

Understand that nothing is more important than Jesus.

Succeed with Jesus.

This will become the rules by which I live from now onwards, it is simple and easy to remember. So basically the way I see it is if I focus or meditate on Jesus, I will become more like him, and is that not what he wants? For us to be more like him!

So how do we do this? Well a good start would be to pray, then spend time with him by reading his word there are many scriptures that refer to spending time with Jesus and also becoming like him, I have found a few but I am sure there are MANY more.

Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

 

1 Peter 2:2: Like new-born infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation

 

1 John 2:6: Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

 

 1 Corinthians 11:1: Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ

 

What are other ways that you can FOCUS on Jesus?

  • Go to church regularly
  • Surround yourself with other Christians
  • Get yourself some Christian literature – there are so many amazing books out there.
  • Get yourself some Christian music – same here there are so many AMAZING gospel artists out there; you are bound to find something you can listen to.  For me I want to be able to sing along to the music, so any music that I can enjoy and sing along to I will love.

This is what I have done, I have surrounded myself with all these things, and chosen to listen to Christian CD’s on my way to and from work or in fact any time I get in the car, I Can never grow tired of it.

So I have pledged to FOCUS, have YOU?

Have a blessed day everyone!