Jesus – Page 2 – My Journey with God

Time For Change

Ok so it’s a New Year and along with the New Year I have decided to make certain changes in my life. Today has been a strange day, while it should have been a good day for me it was slightly off… all the things that have been bothering me the past few months or so just flooded to the surface I don’t know if it was just because it’s a new year or because I am now older and things need to change I don’t know, and NO I am not having a midlife crisis lol im NOT THAT OLD HA HA

For those that know me, know that I find it extremely difficult to say NO, if someone asks for help whatever it may be I always seem to say yes, and everyone seems to come to me, because they know I am sure to help, while that is my aim to help others in need, now this is where I struggle with this matter, we are supposed to help people in need, but must we still help when the help borders on use and abuse, go to Bernadette she WILL DEFINATELY help you…? Do I have the right to say no then? You see I have this problem with certain people, and while they help me a lot as well I feel like I am being taken advantage of because they have a certain attitude of you owe me so you must do this for me… keep mentioning I did this and this and that for you so you must help me with this favour. Not taking into consideration how many little favours I do which all add up, sometimes more often than not I have to cancel my plans and drop everything because generally these favours are required of me at the last minute.

Then there is the issue of my Mother, while my mother herself is not the issue, the issue involves her. You see I look after my mother, and I do it with the greatest of pleasure, although sometimes it is a struggle, as I do not earn a lot of money. While my brother helps me where he can, my sister does very little, please do not get me wrong here, I am not trying to name and shame anyone nor am I purposely airing our dirty laundry as they say but this has bothered me for some time and I do not know how to handle it. I have approached my sister about this before but have had no success, I am not asking for hand out just merely for her to take some responsibility as well. While I understand her reason for not doing more, I just feel that it’s a bit unfair that I am left to do it by myself. She believes that my mother lived her life made her mistakes and why must she suffer for it ok I understand SOME of her reasoning but not all of it. It really is a struggle for me honestly my brother has helped me so much even though he himself is struggling, whereas my sister has no financial problems at the moment. That is what bothers me the most, is that while she can help she does not, and I must admit it is causing a bit of resentment. I do not want to start 2012 off like this but I do not know quite how to deal with this issue without making the problem worse, the last thing I want is to cause a rift between my sister and I, as despite our issues I love her very much and do not want to have a strained relationship. (So here is where the peacemaker / people pleaser in me comes out and says well then this is best left unsaid and buried under the carpet)

I was sitting at my laptop and thinking if the things that needed to change and realised that the 2 problems above are 2 BIG issues in my life and I feel it is holding me back, while another issue is financial, it really is a struggle every month so tonight I decided to update my CV (resume) and apply for other jobs, jobs that paid more than what I was earning. I applied for one position and suddenly I felt this uneasiness come over me, it’s like when people say trust your gut, it was that kind of feeling that something was just not right, I chatted to my friend about it, he told me that I should listen and not look for another Job right now, God is clearly trying to tell me that the time is not right. Which led me to the question WHY? Why is the time not right, why have I been put in these situations, etc etc. My friend then told me that everything happens for a reason, God has a bigger plan for me and that me wanting to find another Job is not part of his plan right now. My friend is right; however it is still not easy. I have prayed about my financial situation before and things just do not seem to change, while I trust God and his plan, I just wonder sometimes wonder when things will change. While here it may seem to you that I have no faith that things will change, I prayed about it and continue to thank God for it. Maybe I am not doing it right I have no clue.

I will continue to pray and trust God and His timing, as well as some clarity on why finding another Job that will pay more not the right thing for me.

While some of you might think that I am complaining I really am not, this is something that has really been bothering me and I needed to get it out somehow, bottling it up is just making it worse.

So… sorry to those that have read this and did not enjoy reading it but this blog is after all my Journey and the struggles I face are part of the same Journey.

If anyone is facing a similar situation please feel free to leave a comment. I would love to know how others deal with these things.

God Bless all.

My 2012 Commitments….no NOT resolutions.

Ok so my last post was about 2011 being the best year of my life, now let’s do 2012, I am not one to make resolutions as I never seem to keep to them, in the years past I have found that I set unbelievably high goals for myself and unrealistic resolutions. This year I have decided that, I will not set any resolutions, NOT ONE. I will however make certain commitments to God and to myself, and I will take it 1 day at a time.

1^st the MOST important commitment I make is to be a vessel of God’s light and allowing him to shine through me, through my attitude, my deeds, my words I want people to see a change in me, I want them to see how Great God is.

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16).

The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light. (Romans 13:12)

2^nd I commit to reading my bible even if it’s for 5 minutes a day but EVERY day.

3^rd I commit to scripture memory; a Christian will not always have their bible handy when in “sticky” situations so being able to refer to them at any given moment is an amazing ability.

4^th I commit to improving my prayer life, and spending more quiet time with God.

5^thI commit to fasting, whether it be 3 days, 10 days, 21 days whatever it is, I will make this an important part of my life and will do it periodically.

6^th I commit to a healthier lifestyle, eating healthier meals, drinking more water etc, start walking… while I don’t drink much alcohol anymore I do have the occasional drink, I want this to stop COMPLETELY I do not want to drink.

7^th I commit to being more involved in the church whether it be volunteering as an usher or handing out pamphlets at the door whatever it is I will become more involved

8^th I commit to joining a home group in my area, and meeting new people, making new Christian friends that I can encourage and also be encouraged by.

9^th I commit to helping the needy wherever I can, feeding the homeless on Christmas day was an amazing experience and I commit to doing it more often not only once a year.

10^th I commit to reducing the time I spend watching TV and to use that extra time to speak to God.

11^th I commit to standing up for myself and to not let people walk all over me and abuse me just because I do not know how to say NO.

12^th I commit to saturate my everyday life with God, whether it be reading Christian books, listening to Christian CD’s, pasting scriptures and verses all over my house, I want my life to be a constant reminder to me that I am a Christian and that I live for Jesus.

Yes so I have 12 “commitments” there are 12 months in a year so 12 commitments is an ok amount I would say. And NO I will not tackle 1 commitment a month they will all be tackled on a daily basis. And by the end of 2012 and beginning of 2013 I will be EVEN more amazed at my transformation through Jesus as what I am right now.

2011… was it the worst or best year of my life?

Well 2011 was a very difficult year for me, I wanted it to end, that clock could not have struck 12 any sooner than what it had, everyone was counting down for the new year to begin I was counting down for the old one to end, or so I thought.

Then I sat and thought about everything that has happened and thought that maybe JUST maybe 2011 was the best year yet.

I met some amazing people, had some good laughs, memories that I will cherish forever. I had to face a lot of hard truths about me and the path I was on. I lost a family member someone who I loved dearly; family secrets were revealed that shook me to the core. I had been through a rejection by someone I cared for dearly, but yet through all that today our relationship is stronger than ever and we have remained friends through it, in fact I am a stronger woman today because of him.

I suffered from severe depression, I didn’t want to live or SO I THOUGHT, but looking back at the past couple of months it was never a depression it was an emptiness something was missing in my life something that was meant to be there but just was not. Somewhere along my life Journey I lost Jesus, but 2011 was the year that I found him, the emptiness is Gone AND THAT WAS THE BEST PART OF 2011, what was missing in my life is now present, not only did I find Jesus I also found myself, the person that was buried under all the pain and heartache, the person that was consumed by her struggle.

I have made some amazing friends, some whom I have grown to depend on some who have been an inspiration. So I would like to mention some friends and family here, just to say thank you for making my 2011 great.

Firstly to Gigi (you know who you are), the friend that convinced me to write about my feelings, the whole reason I started this blog, you have been a pillar of strength to me in so many ways even though you are so far away, the times we shared when we lived together and worked together I will cherish forever, the jokes we made the laughs we had are a part of y memory and can never be erased. I LOVE YOU FRIEND, DEARLY. I can’t wait for the day when I will get so see you again, I can like to think I will pee in my JEAN PANT hahahahah ok so friend I can’t get the accent through to you on this blog but I am sure you can picture me saying it and I bet you right now you are REALLY just about to pee in your jean pant with laughter.

Then I want to thank my mother for Just being there, and doing the best she could with what she had, I Love YOU.

To my brother for being my support system month after month even though you too are struggling.

To my sister for believing in me when others sometimes didn’t.

Ok so for the sake of anonymity once again thank you to Frikkie hee hee… I complain a lot I know, and you have been the one at work that has just sat there listening to me all day long, goodness knows how annoying I must be sometimes, thank you for being someone I could talk to about work, issues, and about God, thank you for being a key player in me finding the thing that was missing in my life. Thank you to Lourens, too for putting up with my constant BBM messages asking about things that I do not understand regarding Christianity or things that I just need clarity on, thank you both for being so transparent in your love for Jesus, it was that transparency that made me want more in my life. You both are such an inspiration to me Thank you.

Thank you to Michele, even though we have never met, in the past 2 months we have become close via this blog and been an inspiration to each other, I feel a real connection to you and that connection is Jesus, I see you as a sister in Christ. Who knows maybe one day I will get to meet my new friend.

To John, also one of my new blogging friends, both you and your blog have been an inspiration, for me and I look forward to reading your blog every time I see a new post, your testimony is one that can greatly help others that are now where you have already been in your life, it was through your blog that God gave me the confirmation that I needed to do what needs to be done.

When I started this blog I never thought for one moment that I would get to interact with so many people and it is amazing, this blog has been a huge healing process for me and I never thought I would ever say this but I have discovered a new passion, and that is this blog, writing these posts have been an unbelievable healing process for me.

So to all of you who have influenced my life THANK you I pray that 2012 will be an amazing year for all of you.

ABOVE ALL, thank you Lord for filling this gap in my life, and making me the strong Woman I am today, and it just keeps getting better.

Isaiah 43:18-19 – “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

So in answering my posts title/question 2011 was by far the best year yet, bring on 2012 it can only get better.

Dont let the devil invade your thoughts

I don’t know about you but I sometimes struggle with negative thoughts, and ever since re-dedicating my life to the Lord again, those thoughts seem to me more frequent than usual. I read a book a few days ago that this is the devil that keeps replacing your positive thoughts with negative ones, trying to make you stumble, trying to make you give in and go back to your sinful life.

Like for instance, I feel God is leading me in the direction of fasting, it has been on my mind quite a lot lately but every time I think of it I also have this thought pop in my mind saying you will never last, don’t even bother starting because you do not have the will power to follow through to the end, if that is the case then why has God placed it in my heart to fast.

The bible says we need to take our thoughts captive, so for me this means that the minute you have a negative thought you need to discard that thought and replace it with a positive one and discipline yourself with this do it over and over again until the negative thought is no longer there

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 – For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.

I have been speaking to a friend who recently did the Daniel Fast, if I am not mistaken he did it for 21 days, which is quite a long time, he said it is very difficult but that this is the time that I must stand strong and not GIVE UP, he suggested that seen as this is the first time in my life that I will be fasting that I do not do it for a long period of time, so I am going to start off with just 1 week.

This will definitely be a true test of how dedicated I am to strengthen my relationship with God. That is my goal so that I can grow more in my walk with the Lord, I am so hungry for more it seems like I can’t get enough.

This is why I am being bombarded with negative thoughts, because I want to be closer to God. It’s not just with the fasting it is really with a lot of aspects in my life, I really struggle with my thought life, to get a handle on it is NOT easy, I am trying though. I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS, with every passing day the negative thoughts don’t become easier or being a Christian does not become easier, the difference is that as we mature in Christ with every day we become stronger to fight the battles against the Devil.

Philippians 4:8-9 – Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Has anyone read the book A battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer? My friend told me to get it as he had the same problems with his negative thoughts, and said I should get it… I have looked all over for this book and cannot find it anywhere. I will continue to look for it though sure eventually I will find it.

1 Peter 5:8 – Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

I find that reading books have also helped my along this Journey so here are a list of some of the books I have read they are all really good.

A Divine Revelation of Hell – Mary K Baxter

A Divine Revelation of Heaven – Mary K Baxter

Walking in your own shoes – Robert A Schuller

A Case for the Real Jesus – Lee Strobel

He came to set the captives free – Rebecca Brown

Prepare for War – Rebecca Brown

From Bondage to blessing – Dee Alei

Not all of these books relate to dealing with negative thoughts however they are all books that have helped me along the way.

God’s Beauty – God’s Magnificence

God’s Beauty

We all say how awesome is our God, how amazing he is, etc. What about how beautiful he is? God’s Beauty is all around us just take notice of it. It’s when you pay attention that you begin to fully comprehend how beautiful our God is. The beauty of his creation leaves me awestruck.

Psalm 90:17 – “Let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us!”

Just take a look at the image below, how can you not see the beauty in it, with the rays of the sun seeping through the bushes, almost as if the Almighty himself is about to make His presence visible.

What about this one

The different shades of pink, the tiny details going into the making of this precious flower, this BEAUTIFUL flower…

Then this one,

A butterfly is an insect… an insect … and yet its beauty is magnificent. The vivid colours, the delicate wings, wings that are strong enough to fly….

What about this one…

Amazing isn’t it…

Still not convinced??? What about this one

Have you ever seen an animal so beautiful, one that “looks” so powerful that it commands your attention, its eyes that seem to pierce your innermost being like as if it knows your every thought.

Who would have thought rocks could be so awe-inspiring?

An expanse of just rock and yet so magnificent.

Lastly

Look at these colours, the different types, different sizes, different fragrances…. how could anyone other than God have made that.

Look at you, you are unique, you are beautiful…. God Bless.

I AM READY

I am ready

Over the past few weeks I have been contemplating being baptised, but have wanted to do it for the right reasons, I have done much research on the topic and spoken to friends about it as well. It never really dawned on me whether or not I was in fact ready to be baptised.

A friend told me a few days ago that he knows I am ready to be baptised, and yet even then did it not sink in whether or not I was ready, I had been sitting on Christmas evening in front of my laptop reading others blogs etc, and suddenly I realised that I AM READY, I have been ready for quite some time, but I am not just ready to be baptised I am ready to do whatever it is that God wants me to do, or to go wherever he wants me to go. Only he could have put this knowledge in my heart for me to know that I am ready.

Psalms 40:8 – I delight to do Your will, O my God, And Your law is within my heart.”

Not only am I ready but I am excited about it, as the scripture above says “I delight to do your will”, now not many Christians have an easy walk with the Lord, in fact I don’t think there is ANY Christian that can truly say being a Christian is EASY, what we can all say though is that it is worth it and rewarding to walk with God.

Some people die for Jesus, some people give up high paying and lucrative Jobs to follow Jesus, I know of 2 people that have done that. Some people lose all their friends and family friends to follow Jesus, some even have to pack up and go into dangerous territories for Him, now I do not know which category I fall into but I am ready for whatever it is. I AM READY.

I have no idea what the next step is, or even the one after that or the next ten after that, but God will reveal all this to me in His time.

Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

– Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

This is one of my favourite quotes it explains faith so simply, you don’t have to see the whole staircase just take the first step. I am ready and willing to take the first step.

Matthew 10:38-42 – “And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. “He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.”He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me. “He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet’s reward. And he who receives a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man’s reward.”And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward.”

Are you ready to take up the Cross of Jesus? Are you ready to deny yourself and do HIS will? I know I am.

1 Corinthians 15:57-58 – But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.

Ephesians 2:10 – For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

It’s clear that God prepared our work beforehand, he just have to be ready to start.

Psalm 108:1-6 (The Message) – I’m ready, God, so ready, ready from head to toe. Ready to sing, ready to raise a God-song: “Wake, soul! Wake, lute! Wake up, you sleepyhead sun!” I’m thanking you, God, out in the streets, singing your praises in town and country. The deeper your love, the higher it goes; every cloud’s a flag to your faithfulness. Soar high in the skies, O God! Cover the whole earth with your glory! And for the sake of the one you love so much, reach down and help me – answer me!

I am READY for God to use me for HIS Glory in a Mighty way.

So I am putting on the armour of God

The belt of Truth

The breastplate of Righteousness

The shoes of the Gospel of Peace

The shield of Faith

The Helmet of Salvation

The sword of the Spirit

Along with this feeling of readiness, I have this stron desire to Fast, mmm also do not have much information on this topic time for more research.

Christmas Day Bombings

The last thing I want is for my Blog to become one of doom and gloom, especially at this time of year, however ever since reading the article on Pastor Youcef Nadarkhani and the fact that he has not only been imprisioned but ALSO sentenced to death as a result of his faith, has made me was to SCREAM, when will all this voilence end, the attacks on innocent people, people who have done nothing wrong, other than believe in God WHICH IS NOT WRONG.

You know what I find quite strange is that you don’t find many stories on the news much like this one where the tables are turned, where the Christians did the killing of the Muslims and whatever other religion or belief that think it is OK to kill people because their beliefs are different to those of yours. WHY is that?? Because the Bible tells us “Thou Shall NOT KILL” Exodus 20:13.

Should we not ALL as HUMAN BEINGS, strive towards peace, and getting along with one another regardless of our belief system. If you are reading this and you are one of those people that believe you need to kill those that do not CONFORM to your belief system, WHAT JUSTIFIES THAT, WHAT JUSTFIES THE KILLING OF INNOCENT PEOPLE. Because they do not believe what you believe.

How many children have now become orphans because of some sensless killing. How many people who could have become soething more than just their circumstance have now been killed.

Now I assume that I will take some heat for this blog post, to be very honest I DO NOT CARE, I am proud to say I am a Christian, I am proud to say I love Jesus. WHY?? Because even though we too do not believe what you believe we do not go around Killing people because of it. We live our lives according to God’s word.

Now I am not saying that ALL religions or people that are of a certain religion, I am merely stating the fact there are those people out there that are infact part of certain religions that believe in killing people because they believe in something other than your beliefs.

Ask yourself this, if the tables were turned and it was the Christians going around Bombing your place of worship because they do not like the fact that you believe not what they believe, how would you react? How would you react of your son/daughter/mother/father/brother/sister were one of those people who had died in the bombing? How would you react?

So as much as I cannot physically do anything about the Bombing I pray that I can be a voice for those people who have lost their lives for Jesus, and I am doing it through this Blog.

Santa has the same wrapping paper as us.

What a statement, oh how cute are children.

While many of you are still celebrating christmas with your families christmas for me is pretty much over, so I am home now and thought I would share this cute story with you.

I was with the family for christmas today and we were telling stories of our childhood and the silly things we did or said, so my sister decided to share what my niece had done.

Last night she asked my sister if she could put out some cookies and milk for Santa, which she did and then went to bed. while my niece was asleep my sister had eaten the cookies and drank the milk but was sure to leave proof that santa was there, she left some cookie crumbs as evidence…

At 1 am in the morning my niece woke up, which might I add is very rare for her to wake up in the middle of the night it must have been the pure excitement of Santa’s visit, anyway back to the point at 1 am she woke up and went to my sisters room woke my sister and her fiance up and told them she cannot sleep and can they please get up and go with her to see if Santa is there.

She saw that there were only crumbs left on the plate and the glass of milk was empty, she was SO excited that Santa had come and there were more present under the tree, she was not even the least bit phased that she had missed santa.

Then she went to inspect the new additions to the gifts under the tree and looked a little confused, turned to my sister and said “Mommy Santa has the same wrapping paper as us.” Not once did she question the autenticity of “Santa” just made an observation that he used the same wrapping paper. I could not contain myself with laughter. She is the most adorable little girl ever, the things that come out of childrens mouths can only make you smile, if you ever feeling a little down just take a listen to the children around you and maybe just maybe one of them will say something to make you laugh.

A couple of weeks we all went away for a weekend, we were in my sisters car and the adults were discussing something, obviously somethings kids don’t understand, because the next minute my niece said that she wishes her brain will wake up so that she can join in the conversation.

I WAS FINISHED…..

God Bless All, hopefully my niece has help put a smile on your face as she has mine. Lets not forget what today is really about JESUS.

Happy Birthday Jesus

While any people say that today is not the exact day of the birth of Christ, the whole world celebrates today as the birth of Christ, well those that havent forgotten the reason for today that is. So today I would like to take the time to thank God for giving us the best christmas present ever his son Jesus Christ, Happy birthday Jesus, thank you for your gift to us… YOUR LIFE.

I love you with all my heart and strive to do your will.

Merry Christmas to everyone, may you all have a blessed day with your loved ones

The 7×7 Link award

I would like to once again like to thank princessnadielala for nominating me for another award. I have received so many award in the last few days. Its an amazing feeling.

As with most Blog Awards on WordPress there are stipulations that must be met upon acceptance of the award. With the 7×7 Link Award the first thing you have to do is tell something about yourself that nobody knows.

I can watch all the shows on NatGeo, History, etc., about stars, galaxies, the heavens, and blackholes. I love space.

Next: 7×7 links to my pieces I feel are worthy to link up:

Most Beautiful Piece: Walking in your own Shoes

Most Helpful: G.P.S – God’s Positioning System