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Crippling Negative Thoughts


negative-thinkingOK, so it’s been a VERY long time since I have posted here, from posting almost every day to 1 post in a blue moon, honestly it’s not because I did not want to but because I had nothing to write about, no inspiration, no stories to tell, no thoughts to share.

I must admit I do miss it as it was a release, or perhaps even an escape from reality, which sort of makes sense considering in the past year I haven’t had that need to escape, the need to run the need to be alone with my thoughts, the past year has been amazing, I have had so much happiness.

This is why I am here today. I know I have posted something similar before but I felt the need to do so again, somehow it all feels too good to be true as if I do not deserve all this happiness and it could be ripped away at any moment. These negative thoughts started creeping in my mind last night while my boyfriend was packing to go away for a conference, you see HE is the source of my recent happiness, I don’t remember the last time I have been this happy as I have been with him.

What you are about to read has been something I have struggled with for many years, but yesterday it came back with such an intensity that I started to cry. While you read this you might think I am crazy but I can assure you I am not, and unless you have experienced this there is no way for you to understand what it feels like to have these thoughts invade your mind and then when they are there to struggle to change them from a negative to a positive.

While my boyfriend was packing I looked at him and suddenly the thought that I would never see him again was all I could think about, these thoughts are not only scary but almost crippling, all I could think about was, what if… what if something happened and he never came home, where does that leave me… it got to the point that if I had remained in the room with him I would have burst into tears. so I got up and went to shower, in the shower the feelings just overwhelmed me and I could not stop the tears from coming, that did not last long though I stood in the shower and the first thing that came to my mind was GOD & CHURCH… why ??? I have no idea but it did. So I prayed for Shaun’s Safety and that he would return home to me. I then realized that my relationship with God has not been what it was. So I made a promise to not only fix that but to try and get Shaun to accept Him as well.

After showering I sat on the bed and thought to myself that I would discuss going back to church with  Shaun some other time, but something kept telling do it now, if you don’t do it now you never will. So I decided to tell Shaun and I did, he responded better than I had hoped he said it’s something he has been thinking about as well and that he is all open to us going to church.

So that is what we will be doing and it feels good.

There is still one thing though the negative thoughts while they went away last night after my decision they came back today, but now as writing this the negative thoughts are once again gone, however I know at some point they will return, does anyone else suffer from kind of anxiety and how do you deal with it?

It will be nice to hear from you guys.

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They can’t stand to see us SHINE… so SHINE bright for all of us to see.


I got an email from a friend today and the words are so very true it brought me back to reality and made me realise that this will happen as long as I am a Christian, because Satan does not like it. I must admit that the past few weeks my faith has been slightly off course, I dare say it has been non-existent, not only that but also that I have had the cheek to question God and his plan for my life.

I have been going through things that have not been great, at work and at home. I have had to make some tough decisions, whether they were the right ones I don’t know but I trust that God has directed me in the path that he wants me to go.

And in the weeks ahead there will be even more tough decisions to make. But hey they say what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger.

Here is a copy of the email and I am sure you will agree that all of us at some point in our lives have felt like this.

This is simply put, but so profound!

Once upon a time, a serpent chased a firefly.

The latter fled rapidly, afraid of the ferocious predator, but the serpent didn’t even think about giving up.

The firefly fled one day and the serpent didn’t give up; two days, and

nothing.*

*

On the third day, now clearly weakened, the firefly stopped and asked the

serpent:* *

Can I ask you three questions?*

*

I don’t usually proceed this way with anyone, but since I’m going to devour you anyway, you may ask**.*

*

Am I part of your food chain?* *

No.*

*

Did I harm you in any way?* *

No.*

*

So then, why do you want to finish me off?* * Because I can’t stand to see you shine.*

*

Many times, we don’t understand the reason for persecution, anger, lies, slander, why they make up stories about us, etc. . .

But here is one of the reasons:*

*They simply can’t stand to see you shine!!*

** **IN THIS NEW YEAR MAKE SURE U SHINE… LIKE NEVER BEFORE…****

Do we know how to pray?


It’s been a while since I posted last; honestly I have not had anything to write about. Things have been going good nothing major has happened. I went to church on Sunday and the pastor spoke of praying, and that many people do not know how to pray, I must admit I was never sure whether or not I was praying properly, it seemed that some of my prayers were being answered so I must be doing something right I suppose, but hey as I sat and listened to his sermon I realised even though my prayers were being answered, they generally revolved around me, it was always “God please help me with” or “God I really need an answer on this” but the bible tells you how to pray.

 

So I found this on the internet and it pretty much sums up what the pastor said on Sunday and it definitely give a good indication on how we should pray.  My reference for this post comes from http://www.allaboutprayer.org/lords-prayer.htm

 

 

Lord’s Prayer – A Devotion Based on Christ’s Model in Matthew 6

The Lord’s Prayer…

 

“Our Father in heaven” — We need to always acknowledge first and foremost who we are talking to. He (God) is our heavenly Father. We address Him with respect just as we should address our earthly father with respect. He is the only true God who created all things in this universe, including us. He loves us and we need to show our love for Him.

 

“Hallowed be your name” — We must see Him as being holy, sanctified, consecrated; worthy of praise, honour and glory!

 

“Your kingdom come” – We acknowledge His coming kingdom. We pray that Christ will soon return and establish His earthly kingdom where we will reign with Him for eternity.

 

“Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” — We need to be praying for His will to be done in our lives, so that we might bring glory to Him here on earth as He is also glorified in heaven. We need to do things His way, instead of selfishly doing our own things to satisfy our own desires.

 

“Give us today our daily bread” — We should ask our Father each day to provide for our needs, just as He promised in His Holy Word. His Word says that we don’t have, because we don’t ask. Of course, we must first know God through His Son, our personal Lord and Saviour. If we don’t know Christ, God won’t acknowledge this request for daily provision.

 

“Forgive us our debts (or transgressions) as we also have forgiven our debtors (transgressors)” — This speaks about forgiveness among our associates, neighbours, friends, family and loved ones. Any and all persons in our lives that we come in contact with in social or business situations are included as well. If we can’t forgive others, how can we expect our heavenly Father to forgive us?

 

“Lead us not into temptation” — We need to ask our heavenly Father to help us recognize every evil thing, every temptation before us. We need help to stay focused on our Father and see the evil that we might fall into, for what it is really is, a trap set by Satan to bring us down to his level.

 

“But deliver us from the evil one” — Help us, dear Father, to steer clear of that liar and deceiver. Let us see clearly the path that you want each of us to walk. By the power of the Holy Spirit that dwells within us, may we never stray from your will and way…

 

Lord’s Prayer – A Glorious Ending

Some commentators believe that the end of the Lord’s Prayer – “For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever” – was added by someone other than the original writer. Whether that’s true or not, this last phrase simply emphasizes more praise and glory to God the Father – so it’s absolutely biblical… a glorious ending to a model prayer to God!

Good Days and Bad Days


Well I haven’t been posting as regularly as I would like to but the past few days or should I say weeks have been hard for me.

 

I have been trying my best to fight these feelings but it is not easy. The last few weeks I have been on such an emotional roller-coaster, and right now I am struggling to think positively. I have had issues with family members, one that is suicidal due to financial problems, and as a result I am getting myself into financial trouble because I am just so scared of what might happen if someone does not help. Then there is another family member that is in the position to help but refuses to.

 

I know this might seem like I am whining and complaining but I need to let it out somehow, and at this point in time there is no one in my family that I can speak to, it’s almost as if we are at war with each other, because we don’t see eye to eye.

 

If I could explain how I feel so that you could understand the best thing I could use would be a rubber band stretched to its limit, and if it gets stretched any more then it will snap.

 

I feel almost as if I am falling further and further into this big hole and soon I will not be able to get out, don’t get me wrong I am praying and reading my bible, but nothing seems to change. I keep asking myself the question, is this God that is testing my faith perhaps? Or is this satan attacking me knowing exactly where my weaknesses are and feeding off of them. I just don’t know.

 

Whatever the answer to that question, my love for the Lord does not change, I know that he is here with me and that if he weren’t maybe things would be 10 times worse. One thing I know for sure I MUST KEEP the faith that things will improve, without God I cannot go on, this might seem like a contradiction to some people, but here is something for those of you that see it that way, I am human and also struggle with emotions, doubts and fears. Just because I choose to put my faith in God does not make it any easier. I dare say that it becomes even more difficult for us because we now have the devil trying to make us fall.

 

It is very easy to fall and think things that are not of Christ because our whole lives we have been conditioned into that way of thinking but when we submit to the Lord and strive to become like him it takes HARD work, determination, effort and above all else FAITH, to be able to stay on the narrow path.

There are many out there that are facing the same things I am, just know that you MUST keep the faith, God will never let you go through trials more than what you are able to overcome.

 

Just writing this post has made me feel slightly better actually. I don’t know about you but I find blogging to be quite therapeutic.

Genuine Blog Award


I would like to thank http://nadiesbrain.wordpress.com/ for nominating me for the Genuine Blogger Award, I feel truly blessed to be receiving all these awards as it means that I am making an impact in others lives. There are no specific rules for this award so you can nominate as few or as many people as you like. For this one i will nominate the following blogs

 

http://mylordisjesus.wordpress.com/

http://allthingsbeautifull.wordpress.com/

http://lionslead.wordpress.com/

http://byhisgrace211.wordpress.com/

 

 

Here are my nominations and of course I would nominate Sherline again if I could! Thanks!!

ABC Award


I would like to thank http://nadiesbrain.wordpress.com for nominating me for the ABC Award; this awards is a little different from the other awards I have received as I have to describe myself too, this is a lovely ideas as we also get to know the other people who we meet via our blog.

This one is simple – to ‘accept’ the award you just add the ABC Award logo to your blog –and then you share something about yourself with your readers and then pass the award on to other worthy bloggers – there’s no limit to how few – or how many – other bloggers you can send this to.

To share something about yourself – you will need to go through the alphabet and choose a word or phrase for each letter and use that to describe yourself – it might be something about you, something you like, or a place or thing you dream about. And that’s all – no long descriptions or detail – just create a new post, add your shiny new blog award badge and alphabet words and let your readers enjoy finding out a little more about you.

So here’s my alphabet about myself:

A

Adaptable

B

Blessed

C

caring

D

demure

E

educated

F

friendly

G

Gentle

H

happy

I

indecisive

J

Jesus

K

Kind

L

loyal

M

Mellow

N

Nutty

O

organized

P

particular

Q

quirky

R

romantic

S

smart

T

Trustworthy

U

understanding

V

Vigorous

W

warm

X

extreme

Y

Young

Z

zealous

 

Here are my nominations:

http://pastormikesays.wordpress.com/

http://drusillamott.wordpress.com/

http://mylordisjesus.wordpress.com

http://byhisgrace211.wordpress.com

 

Congrats! Can’t wait to see what everyone will say about themselves!

The Dry Season…


Someone emailed this story to me, whether it is true or not i am not sure but that is not the reason that I am posting it, I read this story and it brought tears to my eyes, and has a message for everyone if we just take the time to listen.

 

God Bless …

 

NOW THAT’S GOD

It was one of the hottest days of the dry season. We had not seen rain in almost a month. The crops were dying. Cows had stopped giving milk. The creeks and streams were long gone back into the earth. It was a dry season that would bankrupt several farmers before it was through.
Every day, my husband and his brothers would go about the arduous process of trying to get water to the fields. Lately this process had involved taking a truck to the local water rendering plant and filling it up with water. But severe rationing had cut everyone off. If we
Didn’t see some rain soon…we would lose everything. It was on this day that I learned the true lesson of sharing and witnessed the only miracle I have seen with my own eyes. I was in the kitchen making lunch for my husband and his brothers when I saw my
Six-year-old son, Billy, walking toward the woods. He wasn’t walking with the usual carefree abandon of a youth but with a serious purpose. I could only see his back. He was obviously walking with a great effort … trying to be as still as possible. Minutes after he disappeared into the woods, he came running out again, toward the house. I went back to making sandwiches; thinking that whatever task he had been doing was completed. Moments later, however, he was once again walking in that slow purposeful stride toward the woods. This activity went on for an hour: walking carefully to the woods, running back to the house.

Finally I couldn’t take it any longer and I crept out of the house and followed him on his journey (being very careful not to be seen…as he was obviously doing important work and didn’t need his Mommy checking up on him). He was cupping both hands in front of him as he walked, being very careful not to spill the water he held in them … maybe two or three tablespoons were held in his tiny hands. I sneaked close as he went into the woods. Branches and thorns slapped his little face, but he did not try to avoid them. He had a much higher purpose. As I leaned in to spy on him, I saw the most amazing site.

Several large deer loomed in front of him. Billy walked right up to them. I almost screamed for him to get away. A huge buck with elaborate antlers was dangerously close. But the buck did not threaten him…he didn’t even move as Billy knelt down. And I saw a tiny fawn lying on the ground; obviously suffering from dehydration and heat exhaustion, lift its head with great effort to lap up the water cupped in my beautiful boy’s hand. When the water was gone, Billy jumped up to run back to the house and I hid behind a tree.
I followed him back to the house to a spigot to which we had shut off the water. Billy opened it all the way up and a small trickle began to creep out. He knelt there, letting the drip, drip slowly fill up his makeshift “cup,” as the sun beat down on his little back. And it came clear to me: The trouble he had gotten into for playing with the hose the week before. The lecture he had received about the importance of not wasting water. The reason he didn’t ask me to help him. It took almost twenty minutes for the drops to fill his hands. When he stood up and began the trek back, I was there in front of him.

His little eyes just filled with tears. “I’m not wasting,” was all he said. As he began his walk, I joined him…with a small pot of water from the kitchen. I let him tend to the fawn. I stayed away. It was his job. I stood on the edge of the woods watching the most beautiful heart I have ever known working so hard to save another life. As the tears that rolled down my face began to hit the ground, other drops…and more drops…and more suddenly joined them. I looked up at the sky. It was as if God, himself, was weeping with pride.
Some will probably say that this was all just a huge coincidence. Those miracles don’t really exist. That it was bound to rain sometime. And I can’t argue with that… I’m not going to try. All I can say is that the rain that came that day saved our farm…just like the actions of one little boy saved another.
I don’t know if anyone will read this…but I had to send it out. To honor the memory of my beautiful Billy, who was taken from me much too soon… But not before showing me the true face of God, in a little, sunburned body.

Looking Back


I was having a discussion with a friend yesterday; about Christianity and when we gave our lives to the Lord Etc. You see the thing is I have been a “Christian” all my life, but it is only NOW in the past few months that I have had that “TOTAL CONVERSION” so to speak. What I mean by that is that I am now at that point where God takes precedence over EVERYTHING in my life. My friend said the same thing, he has been a Christian his whole life but he too had a time in his life where he had that same “TOTAL CONVERSION” which was a few years ago.

 

In my previous post I mentioned that I had come across certain areas in my life where I still wanted to have control and not hand over the reins to God, and that is true. Then I started to think to myself how I could claim to have had this TOTAL CONVERSION, if I didn’t surrender ALL of me to the Lord. My friends and other bloggers all made the same point that we will struggle with this till the day we die. In fact 1 friend told me that he discovers things every day that he needs to hand over to God.

 

So the more I think about it the more I realise that like my friend said there will be MANY more times like this in my life that I have not handed over the control to God. The main thing is that I am aware of it and know that God is working in me, because he is bringing these things to my attention, telling me “let me have that part of your life…”

 

Like my friend said in a year from now I am going to look back and I am going to see how I have grown. The thing is I am doing that now already. I am looking back only as far back as when I started this Blog, and I have Grown SO MUCH and learnt so much. It’s amazing. God has been with me every step of the way, guiding every step I took.  

 

Today I stand in amazement at how far I have come, I never once thought I would be able to let go of past hurts and experiences, but I have. I cannot remember how I coped without God, I can’t remember my life without him, I remember the big events in my life but small things seem so distant. The big things whether good or bad I see now that they were there for me for the purpose of making me stronger. Many times I have asked God “where were you when…..? Why did you let that happen…..? Etc. looking back God was there he always was. I chose to shut him out, but he remained by my side throughout my life and for that I am grateful.  So every experience in my life was a part of who I am today and made me the person I am today. Had I not been through all of that, would I be sitting here and looking back at how I have grown??? I don’t thinks so.

 

So when you think God has left your side, think again HE IS THERE, HE IS ALWAYS THERE!!!!

 

 Deuteronomy 31:6 – “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

 

 

Joshua 1:5 – No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life; as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you.

 

 

1 Chronicles 28:20 -And David said to his son Solomon, “Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God-my God-will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord.

Jesus Take the Wheel


Jesus Take the wheel.

A friend of mine told me long time ago about the song Jesus Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood, I have to date never listened to this song, however the title of the song keeps popping into my mind the whole day. So while I type I am busy downloading the song so that I can listen to it.  It is strange really how a song that I have never heard is constantly on my mind today, but I know that it is God speaking to me and this time I am not going to doubt that this is from him. Right now as I sit here and type this I know God is telling me to let him take over the driver’s seat, and I am ashamed to say this but it is something that I have realised, while I say I have surrendered my life to the Lord there are still certain aspects to it that I have not relinquished the control to God.

 

While this whole time I have thought that I have completely surrendered my life to God, I have come to realise that I have in fact not done so. This thought brings tears to my eyes. That I still despite my efforts not completely trusted the one who created me and the one that knows best.

 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

 

Honestly it’s not easy when your all you have done is put your trust people and then being let down, so now having to put your trust in something that you cannot see is easier said than done. While I know that God exists he has proved that to me OVER and OVER in the past months in fact in the past week he has confirmed that so many times, sometimes his presence was so obvious that I got shivers down my spine. Why then is it so hard to surrender ALL my life to him. Why it is SO to give up the control when giving up that control is what is best for my life.

 

So this is no ordinary post today, this is me admitting my weakness and asking for your prayers. I want God to have FULL control not partial control. ONLY then will my life be what it is meant to be.

 

“Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him.” Psalm 2:12

 

So Jesus please take this wheel from me that I’m holding onto so tightly, give me the Strength to LET IT GO!!!!

 

Here is the chorus to the song, which I still have not listened to. But the lyrics alone are powerful.

 

Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can’t do this on my own

I’m letting go

So give me one more chance

Save me from this road I’m on

 

“I will love You, O Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;

My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;

My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

 I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised;

So shall I be saved from my enemies?” Psalm 18:1-3

 

Jesus Take the Wheel – Carrie Underwood.

 

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati

On a snow white Christmas Eve

Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat

Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline

It’d been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn’t pay attention

she was going way too fast

Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass

She saw both their lives flash before her eyes

She didn’t even have time to cry

She was sooo scared

She threw her hands up in the air

 

Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can’t do this on my own

I’m letting go

So give me one more chance

Save me from this road I’m on

Jesus take the wheel

 

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder

And the car came to a stop

She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock

And for the first time in a long time

She bowed her head to pray

She said I’m sorry for the way

I’ve been living my life

I know I’ve got to change

So from now on tonight

 

Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can’t do this on my own

I’m letting go

So give me one more chance

Save me from this road I’m on

 

Ooh, Jesus take the wheel

Ooh, I’m letting go

So give me one more chance

Save me from this road I’m on

From this road I’m on

Jesus take the wheel

Ooh, take it, take it from me

Ooh ooh wah ah ooh ooh ooh

Catch a Wake-up


I was chatting to a friend yesterday (Well 2 friends to be exact) about the ways in which people can hear from the Lord(Holy Spirit), I had specifically asked if he has heard of or knew anyone that has heard the Lord speak to them but in an audible voice, the reason for my question was that I had heard of this before where people claim to have heard the voice of the Lord audibly, I however have never met anyone that has said this and myself never heard the Lord’s voice audibly either.

 

Now I am sure there are various ways in which people can hear from the Lord, I am not sure what those ways are hence why I decided to ask my friends who have been on their Walk with the Lord for much longer than I have, you see the thing is, I have been Lead to do things that I would never normally do for example fasting, I really feel like the Lord wants me to fast.

 

But not just with fasting I feel that the Lord is really speaking to me and finally I am learning to discern the difference between the Lord speaking to me and just my random thoughts, I will give you a few examples, a few days ago I did a post about finding the right person for you and also the way in which you approach that subject, I also used the analogy of apples and that if you had a whole bag of apples and only one apple was ok to eat you would not eat all the bad ones and THEN only eat the good one, to get back to my point, I had the title in mind before I started to write my post it was SUPPOSED to be Good Apple or  Bad Apples, I never once notice that I had made a typo on the title and only when I was about to publish the post did I see there was a mistake and that I had typed God Apple or Bad Apples so I was about to change it when suddenly I had this “thought” no don’t change it you made the typo because that is what I want the title to be. So then I ended up making it God’s Apple or Bad Apples and I must admit if you read the body of my post it actually makes pretty good sense.

 

Then another instance was yesterday morning where I was reading a blog but as I started to read another “thought” popped into my head and it was this “pay attention to this post and read it carefully as this applies to you”

 

Now I refer to both these instances as thoughts because that is how I feel that the Lord is communicating with me.  The difference between what I feel is the Lord speaking to me as opposed to my thoughts is this, when I wanted to change the title of my post the thought was as if someone was SPEAKING to me and I was not speaking to myself so to speak, let me clarify what I mean by this, the thought was exactly as this “No do not change the title YOU made the typo because I wanted YOU to make it because that is what I want the title to be”. You see what I mean here it was not as if I was thinking I must not change the title it was something saying YOU must not change the title.

The same as with the post I read, I did not think that I must read the post because it applies to me it was “YOU must read this post because it applies to YOU”.

 

So you see it’s not just a random thought it is as if someone is speaking to me.

 

The reason I approached my friends with this is because even though I was sure that I was hearing from the Lord, I still doubted him and doubted that it was in fact him speaking to me. And my friend pointed this out to me he said “Just Believe” every time you think you hear from the Lord you start to doubt “Just believe it is him and have faith that it is him.

 

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.” (John 16:13)

 

“But the Counsellor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” (John 14:26)

 

I am sure if the Lord were here now he would be shaking me and telling me Catch a wakeup, it is me speaking and not you thinking.