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Walking in your own shoes.


Your own shoes will be the perfect fit

Your own shoes will be the perfect fit

I have recently started reading a book called “walking in your own shoes” by Robert A. Schuller; I have only just finished reading the dedication, forward, acknowledgments introduction and the first chapter of the book and I must say I think I am going to enjoy this book.

After reading the first chapter I felt the need to do this post, now the thing is that I haven’t gotten to that point where I can fully discern when it is that I am hearing from God or when it is Random thoughts popping into my head, nevertheless I will get there eventually where I am able to tell the difference.

I started house sitting last from last night, I quite enjoy it because I get away for a couple of weeks from my everyday life, those mundane routines and tasks that need to get done every day. Sometime throughout the course of the day yesterday I made the conscious decision that while I was in this house looking after it for the owners I would not switch on the TV, that I would take this time alone to delve a little further into the word of God and to try and strengthen my relationship with him some more, then when I got here I did what I normally do when I get home, kicked off my shoes put the kettle on for coffee, tea or whatever it is at that point that tickles my fancy… then to pick up the TV remote switch it on watch my favourite soapie “7 de Laan” for those of you who do not reside in south Africa 7 de Laan is one of our local TV shows. Anyway last night when I went for the remote I suddenly got this thought in my head, it was quite funny actually it was like someone was telling me “no no no put that remote down … remember the promise you made… step away from the remote”.  Well I put the remote down and drank my coffee then decided to pick the remote up again and switch on the TV but then again as I picked it up… that same thought popped into my head again, so I decided to switch my laptop on, I started off my reading a few of the blogs I follow, but then I felt the need to do the post before this one.

Let me just tell you one thing, I have never been so honest about anything in my entire life, not even to myself, it took a lot out of me, I felt emotionally spent after writing that post. But glad I did. I felt a sense of release.

So this evening as I sit here and write the post I have a small prayer request, I want to walk in my shoes not someone else’s but mine. So let me tell you a bit about my current situation.  Hopefully God will either give me some sort of confirmation or he will give someone reading this post something, some word or scripture or message or something.

I currently work for a company and have been with them for almost a year and a half now, I don’t earn a big salary in fact for the past couple of months things have been really tight, and while the company itself is not the greatest company to work for or the Job I have is not FANTASTIC, some of the people there are amazing people, so let me tell you a bit about them, to my left at the door, is one of the newbie’s… well not necessarily new but he has been there the least amount of time, he also happens to be the youngest, he is the funny one, the one that puts a smile on our faces on a daily basis, when he is stressed out or busy he has his earphones in his ears and listens to music, and says ok time to “Zone” , then at the desk next to me on my left is the “queen in our department” yes I mean the gay one… sometimes he can make you laugh with his antics but sometimes he can also make you angry, he flirts with all the guys and honestly half of them flirt back, but we all know that they are joking and there is no truth to the flirting so to speak, then there is the lady that sits opposite him, she happens to be my bosses sister, while at the best of times we do not get along there are other times where we can have a good conversation, then there is my Boss, in the beginning we got on like a house on fire, but then realised what you see is not what you get, so I distanced myself a bit and stuck to just doing my work, since then I have decided to put all that aside and change the way I thought of her, and we actually get on very well, then there is her Boss who happens to be one of the head honchos so to speak, you would think that all the money he has that it would go to his head but it hasn’t, and I have the utmost respect for him, he truly is one of the coolest bosses I know.

Then as they say save the best for last… J, then there is the man that sits opposite me, I have so much respect for him, he like me has given his life to the Lord, he is a great example and a really good hearted person. He was a key player in me giving my life back to Jesus, he has helped me by speaking of his past experiences, giving me books to read and DVD’s to watch, given me scriptures to read, heck he even bought me a bible, more than anything he has just been someone I could speak to, not everyone understands what it’s like to be a Christian, and it was nice being able to speak with someone who has similar beliefs about Christianity as me. The Lord has amazing things in store for him I just know it, and I don’t consider him a co-worker but instead a friend.

So there you have it, those are my co-workers, while there are many more these guys are the ones I call my work family, we truly are that, when one of us is down the others will all go out of their way to make them feel better, in their own little way they all add value to our little family, the one that makes us laugh, the one that always has medicine for the sick ones J, pain pills he has, flu meds he has, nausea meds he has, not because he is addicted to it but because he likes to be prepared, and let me tell you those meds have come in handy many times.  These people are the reason I am still there, the reason why I have not left this company to find a better paying job.

Then I also have my own business, it is a bridal business which I started almost 2 years ago, it does not make that much money, in fact I have not had an order in a couple of months, but I have had a few good orders, but the business never really took off, even though I spent thousands on this business. I was passionate about it and thought that’s what I was meant to do.

So here is my prayer request, I have a Job that is not great and doesn’t pay well but I have a family there that I have not found at any other company, then there is my business, while I worked hard at it and thought that it was truly what I was meant to be doing, and had every intention of resigning once my business has taken off, I find myself now at a crossroads, you see the more I immerse myself in the word of God the more I strive to be obedient to God the more detached I feel from my business, and feel that I need to close shop so to speak, I need to know what is the right thing in these two areas of my life, do I look for a better paying Job and leave the one I currently have, or do I stay, and do I close my business once and for all or do I continue to work on it and make it work.

I am praying about this but if anyone reading this would like to add to my prayers please feel free to do so, if you have any advice or word from the Lord please share it with me as I am still battling to discern what is from God and what not.

Hope you All have a blessed weekend.

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My Growing love for God


So this morning’s blog is about how my relationship with the Lord has grown in such a short period of time, when I started this journey it started off as – I must go to church it is the right thing to do, I must read my bible because it’s the right thing to do, I must pray because it is the right thing to do. Now it’s different, I don’t feel like it’s a chore anymore I don’t feel like it’s something I have to do, I WANT to do it.

 

For those that know me well know that I love to read, my favourite author being Lesley Pearse, when I start reading one of her books I cannot put it down it takes me 2 days and I am done, now I never thought of the bible this way, but this morning when I woke up I started reading my bible, and I kept wanting to read more of it, while I was reading it I felt this overwhelming sense of love come over me, I felt so safe, and once again the tears filled my eyes. They were not tears of sadness they were tears of love.

 

Yesterday was quite an emotional day for me, I read a blog about a girl who spoke of her father, the amount of love she had for him and what he meant to her, and that she cannot imagine what it must feel like for someone that has lost their father or a loved one. When I read this blog I became so emotional, because I was reminded of the fact that I am one of those people who have lost my father, he died when I was still very young so I do not remember him much. I just felt so sad that I didn’t have what other people had and there are many like me who have lost both parents not just one. I don’t think I have ever missed my father as much as what I did yesterday, and I would have given anything just to have him back just for one day.

 

This morning though when I read my bible I had this feeling of my father being there, not my birth father but God, he was there and I just got this feeling of him being there to comfort me, it was like he was telling me I am your Father, I want to be here for you, and I want that Father daughter relationship with you that you so desperately want. I felt like a little girl sitting on my father’s lap, it was the most amazing experience ever, this is why I know my relationship with the lord is growing, I feel his presence at the most unexpected times, and yet it is those times when I feel that I need him most. I am his little girl, and he is my daddy.

 

I found this poem on the net and the words are so beautiful and so I decided to share it with you.

 

My precious daughter,

I will never leave you,

I will never forsake you,

I will be faithful until the end,

You are more than just “my daughter”

You are my princess,

My beloved, my delight,

I rejoice in you,

You are beautiful,

You shine with light,

You have dove’s eyes,

I rejoice in you with singing,

I will quiet you with my love,

Hold you in my arms,

Never let you go,

For you are never alone,

You never have been alone,

I’ve been with you all along,

Your whole life,

 

I understand your pain,

My sacrifice wasn’t for nothing,

Let me tell you I understand your confusion,

I understand your anger and frustration,

I understand your tears,

And I care,

Very much,

For you,

Everything that is important to you,

Is important to me too,

My love for you will never end,

I will not leave you for another,

I will not abandon you ever,

No matter how far you go,

My love will never end.

 

I have examined your heart,

I know everything about you,

When you sit down or stand up,

I know your thoughts,

Even when you are far away,

I see you when you travel,

Or when you rest at home,

I see the tears that fall from your eyes,

I see the heartache in your home,

Believe me I know the lies,

I know the temptations,

But I am here,

I know what you are going to say,

Even before you say it.

I go before you and follow,

I place my hand of blessing on your head,

Such knowledge is beyond comprehension,

It is too wonderful for you to understand,

You can never escape from my Spirit,

You can never get away from my presence!

If you go up to heaven, I am there;

If you go down to the grave, I am there.

If you ride the wings of the morning,

If you dwell by the farthest oceans,

Even there my hand will guide you,

And my strength will support you.

 

You could ask the darkness to hide you,

And the light around you to become night,

But even in darkness you cannot hide from me,

To me night shine as day,

Darkness and light are the same to me,

I made all the delicate, inner parts of your body,

I made your heart,

I know what makes you hurt,

I know what makes you cry,

I know what makes you tick,

I know what breaks your heart the most,

And I know how to comfort you,

I know how to make you smile,

I know how to love you,

I know how to be a daddy, who loves,

Such a beautiful daughter like you,

You long for acceptance,

When you were already accepted into my family,

You are fearfully and wonderfully made,

I love you more than you know,

I will fill your heart with the love and peace you long for,

I saw you before you were born,

I knit you together in your mother’s womb,

Even then I loved you,

And I was proud of you,

And I thought of you as my beautiful daughter, my princess,

Every day of your life is recorded in my book,

Every moment was laid out,

Every moment that would bring you joy,

Every moment that would bring you pain.

 

My thoughts about you are precious,

They cannot be numbered,

They outnumber the grains of sand,

And when you wake up in the morning,

I am still with you,

I love you more than you know,

You are beautiful to me,

Even though you feel something is always wrong,

Just look into my eyes,

See how I see you,

A beautiful princess,

With beautiful eyes that shine with my love and my light,

I love you,

And I will say it again,

I love you,

My princess, my beloved,

My precious daughter,

 

I love you,

I love you,

I love you.

 

Don’t give up,

For I see the brokenness in your families,

In your friendships,

I see the pain in your eyes,

Your beautiful heart,

That used to be so filled joy,

Is now crushed beneath your burdens,

But you’re still beautiful to me,

So beautiful to me,

I will heal you and restore you once again,

 

My precious daughter,

I will never leave you,

I will never forsake you,

I will be faithful until the end,

 

Faithful until the end…

 

Your loving Father and Daddy, Prince of Peace, King of Glory,

-Jesus.

Do YOU KNOW?


It’s almost the end of the year, this is the time that a lot of us take to reflect on the past year, what happened, or did not happen, which events we will remember for the rest of our lives and which ones we would prefer to forget.

If I look back at this year nothing phenomenal happened that I want to remember or forget. The only thing for me that was so dramatic was the death of my uncle. I was very close with him, and loved him dearly. With his death came a lot of unanswered questions and heart ache, for so many people. It was definitely a can of worms that had been opened.

For as long as I can remember I had the suspicion that my uncle was Gay, but I just figured it was his life and his choice who am I to judge. He had been sick for some time, it all started when he came back from Africa, I think it was Zambia to be exact, on his way home he made a stop over by us for a few days and then went back to Cape Town. He was already sick then, but he had blamed it on Africa that he had contracted TB of the brain, and we believed him. About 6 months later we got a call that he had been admitted into hospital and that we had to come down as the doctors were not sure if he would pull through. We were on the next available flight. We sat by his bedside he never recognised us. But as we were about to leave he spoke to us and for a few minutes he knew who we were, he told my brother that he must look after his kids and wife and that he must be there for them.

My brother had left the room then and I got up to kiss him on the forehead and leave when he grabbed my hand and told me that I must not worry and that I will be ok. I cling on to those words, it was not the last time I spoke to him but the last time I saw him alive. That day my aunt had told us what was really wrong with him, she told us that he was dying of AIDS. I was beyond shocked; words cannot explain how I felt it was like I got the wind knocked out of me. He recovered and went home but not for long. A couple of months later we got the call that he passed away, it was a loss that we struggled with he was like my father.

We went down for the funeral, and once again my Aunt revealed more shocking truths about my uncle and the life he had lived, I will not go into too much detail but what I can say is that it is the kind of stuff you see on TV. I was angry and hurt, I was upset at the funeral, and I cried but I cried more for my aunt than for my uncle. What he had put her through; her whole marriage was a lie.

Why have I revealed all this to people I do not know, well it got me thinking about death and where I go when I die, I believe 100% without a doubt that there is a Heaven and a hell, there is a God and a devil. Yet, there those who do not believe at all and live their lives as they wish. My uncle was a religious man believe it or not, he prayed every day, but did he just do that because that is what he was brought up to do his whole life or did he accept Jesus into his life?? I know that living the life he lived he was living in sin, which means he is sitting in hell right now, however I would like to believe that he repented and asked for God’s forgiveness before his death and that he is now in fact in heaven.

If you are one of those that do not believe in heaven or hell or that Jesus is THE ONLY way to the Father, the ONLY way into heaven, where do you think you will end up once you die? Me personally, if I were in that position I would choose to follow the Lord whether I believed or not, I would rather not take the chance, have you asked yourself what if we are right what if there IS a God? Well there is one, I have been through so much in my life and throughout all of those experiences God was there, and he protected me and guided me to make the right choices. I cannot imagine my life without him.

At the end of the day only you can make the choice whether you choose to follow God or your own choices, I made the choice to follow God to accept all his blessings and to secure my place in heaven. What choice are you going to make, yes you will probably ask me how I know for sure that he really does exist, well I know for sure because of how he has worked in me and in my life, but I cannot prove that to YOU, so think of it this way WOULD YOU NOT RATHER BE SAFE THAN SORRY…. I KNOW I WOULD.

I cannot be 100% sure of where my uncle is right now, which has made me even more determined to follow the Lord, I have decided to rather be SAFE THAN SORRY and you?