I have been trying my best to fight these feelings but it is not easy. The last few weeks I have been on such an emotional roller-coaster, and right now I am struggling to think positively. I have had issues with family members, one that is suicidal due to financial problems, and as a result I am getting myself into financial trouble because I am just so scared of what might happen if someone does not help. Then there is another family member that is in the position to help but refuses to.
I know this might seem like I am whining and complaining but I need to let it out somehow, and at this point in time there is no one in my family that I can speak to, it’s almost as if we are at war with each other, because we don’t see eye to eye.
I feel almost as if I am falling further and further into this big hole and soon I will not be able to get out, don’t get me wrong I am praying and reading my bible, but nothing seems to change. I keep asking myself the question, is this God that is testing my faith perhaps? Or is this satan attacking me knowing exactly where my weaknesses are and feeding off of them. I just don’t know.
Whatever the answer to that question, my love for the Lord does not change, I know that he is here with me and that if he weren’t maybe things would be 10 times worse. One thing I know for sure I MUST KEEP the faith that things will improve, without God I cannot go on, this might seem like a contradiction to some people, but here is something for those of you that see it that way, I am human and also struggle with emotions, doubts and fears. Just because I choose to put my faith in God does not make it any easier. I dare say that it becomes even more difficult for us because we now have the devil trying to make us fall.
It is very easy to fall and think things that are not of Christ because our whole lives we have been conditioned into that way of thinking but when we submit to the Lord and strive to become like him it takes HARD work, determination, effort and above all else FAITH, to be able to stay on the narrow path.
There are many out there that are facing the same things I am, just know that you MUST keep the faith, God will never let you go through trials more than what you are able to overcome.
Just writing this post has made me feel slightly better actually. I don’t know about you but I find blogging to be quite therapeutic.