I HAVE to hold God’s hand in everything I do. Without Him by my side I am nothing. The past few weeks have been somewhat strange, the only thing keeping me sane is God and me writing about it. If someone had told me 2 months ago that writing would be a release for me I would have laughed in their faces, every time I feel down or just not myself I used to turn to music, I would lock myself in the room and just turn on the radio.
It’s different now, when I feel something or the lack of feeling I want to write about it. To be able to express what I am feeling in writing is somewhat therapeutic. It helps me analyse, things and look at what areas of my life need to be worked on.
For the past couple of weeks if not months I have been suffering with insomnia, so much so that I have become moody, and withdrawn. So the time I spend awake I try to focus on the Lord and not the hundreds of problems and issues that need my attention during the day. If I am honest with myself I am not doing everything I can to strengthen my relationship with the Lord.
All I know is that I feel this strong desire in my life, a desire to do more. I cannot do it without God, I need him to take my hand and guide me, I cannot do it alone. I so badly want to do more but I don’t know what, yes I have brought up the calling of God in one of my previous posts, and the thought of being able to do more for the Lord makes me so excited, but the thought of not knowing makes me cry. I know I need to be patient in God’s timing, so for now I just have to seek Him and trust that He will reveal to me soon enough what He wants me to do.
I know I need to spend more quiet time with the Lord, for me it’s not easy. I am always surrounded by people. At this point in my life I just want to be ALONE! I don’t want to be around any people not even friends and family. I want to be able to open my Bible and be able to just read it and take in His Word, with no interruptions.
I know for most people to have quite time alone is also not easy, so if there is anyone that reads this and you are in the same situation, HOW and WHERE do you spend time with the Lord. I almost feel like I am suffering from withdrawal symptoms, God has put a strong desire in my heart to fellowship with Him, and I am I just feel that it is not enough I want to DO MORE, want to serve HIM MORE.
GOD TAKE MY HAND, I CANNOT DO IT ALONE.