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God, me & my Church(es)

Well you ask why I refer to Church(es) well here is my story so you can understand, I was born to a catholic family, but once my father had passed away we never really continued going to church, all my life I felt a sense of emptiness inside and I could never understand what it was, I tried everything to fill that void to close that gap in my life but nothing worked, and any years ago when I was still in school my friend asked me to go with her to church, now even though I never really went to church the view I had of church at that time was the catholic way. Well I know it as the catholic way, certain rules that need to be followed etc, then I go to this other church, at the time the biggest church I had ever seen, and they way the did things were so different I mean the way they praised God was by singing really cool songs that you can dance and clap along to, however I didn’t know that even existed and was shocked beyond belief and swore I would never go back, then I tried the Jehovah Witness church and there they didn’t celebrate Christmas and believed that only a select few would join God in heaven, it seemed at the time that I would not find what I was looking for, and that with so many different beliefs it lead me to doubt in God’s existence and whether he was even real.

About 2 years after this the same friend invited me to church again, and after a lot of thought I had decided to go again, and that was the first time that I accepted Jesus into my life, since then I have accepted him many times but that was the beginning of the journey I am on today, I was hooked, I loved this church and the way they worshiped God, it made me want to come back for more it made me excited and … it filled the gap which was something I had been searching for.

This church was called Christian Family Church, I had become a member of that church and made many good friends there, it really felt like my home, but it was very far and at the time I didn’t have a car, so eventually stopped going it was like I had moved out of my parents home and had to fend for myself, I tried so many churches and not one church that I went to did I feel like I belonged and slowly but surely my faith started to waver and I was forgetting who I was, went back to my old ways and forgot about God, that void returned, the emptiness was back. Then about 2 years ago I decided again to go back to church I went to this church again while it was still very far for me to travel at least I had my own car, I went for about a year, it was a struggle financially and even though I was getting closer to the lord I still struggled with believing in him, the whole I will believe it when I see it was still a big factor in my life, so I never believed that he would ,make a way for me to get there so once again I stopped going to church.

Up until a few months ago I felt that emptiness was back in my life, I made a decision that I had to go back to church, but that at that time the church I wanted to be at really was far and that I should try another church, I had the strong desire to try Rhema Bible Church, all the years I have lived close to this church but had refused to go because of “stories”  I had heard about Pastor Ray, so all this aside I decided to give this church a try, even though I felt that no church could take the place of Christian Family Church, but when I went to this church I immediately felt like I belonged, I felt at peace and I cried, it was like that emptiness had vanished instantly, while I know that church does not take the emptiness away God does, but God sent me there because at this point in my life that is where I need to be, so I have 2 churches, and 2 homes and where ever I go to the one that is far or the one that is close I will always have a home, these are 2 different churches, but they serve the same God, and one is not better than the other they are both very important to me as both have been a part of my life.

So thank you to Dr’s Theo and Beverly Wolmarans from Christian Family Church, I have been so inspired by both of you and the work you do, it makes me want to be a better person, whenever I hear you speak it is like I cannot get enough, I have heard you share your experiences from the beginning when you just started out to what you have achieved today and none of that could have been possible without Jesus, and then thank you to Pastor Ray McCauley for too being an inspiration, God has given you and amazing gift to preach his word, and you are an inspiration to many. I feel like I have two spiritual homes in these two churches what could be better than that….

Thank you Jesus for bringing these churches and people into my life each at a time when I needed it most, I will be eternally grateful to you for speaking to my heart through them and pray that MANY more souls will be saved as a result of these AMAZING warriors. I know I will continue to be blessed by ALL of them. I live to serve you God whether it be in Boksburg or Randburg you are still the main reason.


G.P.S – God’s Positioning System

Well I am exactly 3 chapters away from finishing this book walking in your own shoes that I started reading on Friday evening, I knew that when I started reading it I would enjoy it immensely.  So let me tell you a little bit about Chapter 8, called “A Divine GPS, he starts of with actual GPS technology to get you from point A to B, and how you can track your vehicle from you home pc, or even track your cell phone. While I was reading this chapter, the words “God’s Positioning System” came to my mind, and thought what an awesome topic for a blog, now I had to figure out the body of my blog, well I put that thought aside and continued to read, and to my surprise the last section of this chapter was called G.P.S – God’s Positioning system. I must say I was not surprised I was actually wondering why he had not termed it that way right from the beginning. Nevertheless I saw that as confirmation that my next topic would be exactly that about God’s positioning system.  So I read the chapter and I am only making use of the topic, the book is now closed and I am going to give you my perspective.

Now while I have made use of a GPS before to get me from one place to the next it still is somewhat unreliable, telling you to turn left, then when you look left there is a huge wall, nowhere to turn, I find that Satan does that to try and throw you off course from God’s Love and all His blessings and promises, he tells you follow me come this way and go that way do this and do that, you may not see that huge wall in front of you but believe me it is there, satan will never lead you in the direction that God wants you to go, he will take you down dangerous alleys, and forbidden paths.

So STOP, relying on your own strength because you are sure to get lost, trust me I know. Start using your Divine GPS; let’s see what the bible has to say about the direction of God.


Psalm 37:23 – “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord.” What does this tell you? The way I see this verse is every step you take had been planned ahead by God, if you are not on the path he chose for you it is because you have been thrown off course by satan, do not let him do this to you.


 Proverbs 16:9 – “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” – Same thing here it is evident, the bible says that God directs your steps, God will show you the way if you just allow him to do so.

Here are a few more verses that prove just that, that God will guide you every step of the way

Proverbs 3:5 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” 

Isaiah 48:17 – Thus says the Lord, Your Redeemer, The Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you by the way you should go.” 

Psalm 32:8 – “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.” 

Psalm 48:14 – “For this is God, our God forever and ever; He will be our guide even to death.”

Isaiah 58:11 – “The Lord will guide you continually …”

How many ore scriptures do you need to read before you believe that the best GPS is not the ones you use in your car instead of a map book, it’s the DIVINE GPS – GOD’S POSITIONING SYSTEM

Think of a big rugby game, for whatever reason you cannot watch it live, maybe you are at work or you have a prior engagement, so what do you do? you tape it, so that you can watch it later, then someone tells you the score, even though you didn’t want to know because you want to experience the game as it should be, so now you know, you and a few other friends who have not seen the game sit down to watch, your team that you support is on a BIG LOSING streak and need a miracle to win this, while all your friends are sitting on the edge of the seat having lost all hope of their team winning, you are there relaxed and calm, you look at them and tell them don’t worry everything will BE OK, naturally they think you have completely lost your mind, I mean really look at the score, they ask you how you know it will be ok, and you tell the because I know the outcome, I know the score…

PEOPLE that is exactly it, EVERYTHING will be ok. WHY? Because GOD knows the outcome, he knows the score, he knew the path you would be on before you were on it, he mapped out your life before you were born, he has the score of your life already, he is telling you it will be ok I have PLANNED for you long ago, just trust in me and you will BE OK.

So I will end with this, God has positioned you exactly where he wants you to be, think of yourself as moulding clay, try to find the good in the bad, think of every situation as you being moulded and shaped into the person you were meant to be, the person ordained by God himself to do great things, for him. That is the way I will see my life and circumstances, I am being used by him and shaped by him to do his work, he had a plan for me and he had a plan for you, for all of us, all we have to do is trust in him.

Dear Jesus

Well where do I start, I find the way I feel very difficult to put into words, I can go on and on about how you have changed me and renewed me, and I can try and explain it to people, but what I cannot put into words is the extent of the change I feel, it is just that what I feel,  the amount of LOVE that I feel is almost like it TOO much to contain, and it needs to come out, I need to share it with others. I went to bed last night feeling different to the way I feel today, I woke up this morning and felt like a WHOLE NEW PERSON.  I feel HAPPY and at peace, I really feel like you are here inside my heart. I feel like crying, not because I am SAD but because I am HAPPY, because I am so INLOVE with you, because I have never EVER felt a love like this.

I LOVE YOU, more than words could ever explain, and you have changed me more than I could ever have asked for or imagined.

So let me go back in time again and try to explain to people reading this the change in me, when I first started to blog, in fact my VERY 1st blog, was about my life experiences and the things I have been through, I started off with it being about me, and with every post I did I felt like I got a little closer to YOU. I was the kind of person that would never look for the good in a situation, I would always focus on the bad, and I let situations in my life get the better of me.  I don’t remember ever being truly happy, in fact, for most of my life I would think of Death and how much I did not want to be here, that I’d RATHER DIE.  I never had an easy life, and often felt worthless. I am not sharing this with everyone because I want people to feel sorry for me; I am sharing it because I feel this is the best way to explain exactly HOW AMAZING YOU ARE, even though I feel that EVEN THIS does not come close to how you should be described.

Up until yesterday I still had my bouts of Depression, wondering when things would go better, but today I feel so different it’s as if you have changed me OVERNIGHT. I am sitting at my computer with this permanent grin on my face sooner or later one of my colleagues, will see it and wonder what is going on, I feel like I want to explode with the amount of LOVE I feel right now, not only the LOVE I have for you but the LOVE you have for me, this love is too much to contain, WAY too much for me to keep to myself I need to share it.

Normally this time of the month I am worried because of financial issues and many other issues, but my problems seem so small now, I don’t care about the problems anymore because I HAVE YOU, and YOU are SO MUCH bigger than my problems and YOU are SO MUCH more AMAZING and YOU HAVE MY BACK so I don’t need to worry about the problems.


 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved (Ephesians 2:4-5).

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies (Psalm 36:5).

How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 36:7).

Greater love has no one than this that he lay down his life for his friends John 15:13).

The Story of the Pearl!!

At some point in your life you have gone through some form of pain and suffering, whether it is a loss of a loved one, spousal abuse, financial problems, we have all experienced it.

 Years ago I went to a woman of worth meeting that our church held every couple of months, the pastor’s wife surprised us all with a pair of pearl earrings, and what she said was that the pearls were formed as a result of suffering, at first I was confused as to how she could say that until she explained it, so I will now try and explain this to you as best as I possibly can, maybe you too will take from this what I took from it, and that is what you go through in life makes you stronger and conditions you to cope with life, God has a reason for everything and He won’t allow more than what you are capable of coping with as the strong person you are.

 How is the pearl formed?

 The pearl is formed when a foreign substance enters the oyster, which then causes the oyster irritation. The oyster’s instinct then kicks in and it tries to protect itself by covering the foreign object. The oyster continues this and the foreign substance is continuously covered by this protective layer.

 So a pearl is formed out of an unfavourable circumstance for the Oyster. So try and compare your life to that of the Oyster, how many times have you had unfavourable circumstances? What did you do to protect yourself from that? The way I see it is that God is the way we should protect ourselves, look at the pearl, it is beautiful.  We are all pearls, formed and shaped from heart ache and pain.

 Whatever I have been through, whatever the obstacles in my past and my present and future, is GOD shaping my life and me into the strong person he wants me to be he is shaping me into that PEARL.

 So next time when you are tempted to ask God the question  –  “why GOD? Why are you allowing this to happen to me?”  Maybe thank Him and praise Him instead for moulding you and shaping you into the strong person you are today, if you had no mountain to climb, who would you be and what character would you have? Think of it this way He is turning you into a warrior… a warrior for Him, to fight for Him and DIE for Him if that is what needs to be done.

 I gladly lay down my life to Him, whatever He has planned for me I will do, I OWE HIM MY LIFE AFTER ALL.

Depression …. how he can help.

Someone that suffers from depression will never really admit to it, as for most it seems like a sign of weakness, I was and still am one of those people, today for the first time I admitted to myself as well as 2 other people that I think/know that I suffer from depression, the severity of it I don’t know, what I do know is that I can’t remember long periods of my life when I was happy. My life has been this dull existence of the same routine every day, nothing changes, just the problems seem to get bigger with every passing day.

I sometimes wonder when will things get better, but they won’t not unless I DO SOMETHING about it and what I mean about doing something about it I mean trusting fully in the Lord, when I followed and served the Lord with all my heart, back when all I could think about was the next church service, church and GOD was my drug, it’s how I got high, I didn’t need pills and powders, all I needed was GOD.

That is how I know now that I have become lukewarm, the minute I start to stray from the Lord it feels like my world starts falling apart like nothing goes right.

God is the cure for anything, the payment for that cure was His blood, all you have to do is believe in Him and what he has planned for you, have a little faith in Him; He has so much planned for all of us so many blessings to bestow on our lives. If only we stopped believing in all the new age nonsense, like crystal healing, sangoma’s and what not, how is putting a crystal under your pillow at night supposed to help you, just the same as having one in your purse is going to bring more money, I used to believe in all that and look where it got me?? ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE……. (if you don’t know what a sangoma is it’s a witch doctor) or go google it.

GOD IS MY GP, He is my healer, my doctor, my hospital and my medication. No doctor or strong anti-depressant will help me, I have been there done that, granted the anti-depressant are good so good in fact that I ended up feeling no emotion at all, I could have seen a child been knocked over by a bus and I would have felt NOTHING!!! Who wants to live like that? I don’t. I lost a lot of people I cared about because of that a lot of friends broke all contact with me because they thought I did not give a damn, I even lost my Job.

I will now put all my trust and faith in Him, and I know it will work I know it will get better. All I have to do is practice Faith.

If anyone reads this post and you are not sure about whether you have depression or not … well let me just give you my symptoms and you can make your own decisions

  • Tired all the time – spend most of my free time in bed.
  • Irritated and annoyed
  • Appetite changes
  • The feeling of inadequacy  or not being good enough, being a failure
  • Just plain sadness or the blues, not wanting to do things you previously enjoyed
  • Becoming antisocial and avoiding contact or interaction with others unless you have to

There are more, but if you think you have it you have many options, you can leave it and hope that it goes away, you can go see a doctor, or you can believe in GOD… one option I would recommend to do is to speak to someone you trust, it is nothing to be ashamed of and you don’t need to do it alone that’s why you have friends who can be a shoulder to cry on or just to offer support or guidance, and you never know you might see that you are not the only one that feels the way you do and you are in fact not going crazy.

Here are some scriptures that can help you:

Proverbs 12:25: Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up.

2 Samuel 22:17-22 – He sent from above, he took me; he drew me out of many waters; (18) He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them that hated me: for they were too strong for me. (19) They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the Lord was my stay. (20) He brought me forth also into a large place: he delivered me, because he delighted in me. (21) The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness: according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me. (22) For I have kept the ways of the Lord, and have not wickedly departed from my God.

2 Samuel 22:29 – You are my lamp O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light.

Ecclesiastes 9:4– Anyone who is among the living has hope.

Psalms 9:9 – The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

Psalm 27:14 –  Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Psalm 31:22,24 – You heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help… Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

Psalm 34:18,  19 – The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (19) A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.