Time For Change
Ok so it’s a New Year and along with the New Year I have decided to make certain changes in my life. Today has been a strange day, while it should have been a good day for me it was slightly off… all the things that have been bothering me the past few months or so just flooded to the surface I don’t know if it was just because it’s a new year or because I am now older and things need to change I don’t know, and NO I am not having a midlife crisis lol im NOT THAT OLD HA HA
For those that know me, know that I find it extremely difficult to say NO, if someone asks for help whatever it may be I always seem to say yes, and everyone seems to come to me, because they know I am sure to help, while that is my aim to help others in need, now this is where I struggle with this matter, we are supposed to help people in need, but must we still help when the help borders on use and abuse, go to Bernadette she WILL DEFINATELY help you…? Do I have the right to say no then? You see I have this problem with certain people, and while they help me a lot as well I feel like I am being taken advantage of because they have a certain attitude of you owe me so you must do this for me… keep mentioning I did this and this and that for you so you must help me with this favour. Not taking into consideration how many little favours I do which all add up, sometimes more often than not I have to cancel my plans and drop everything because generally these favours are required of me at the last minute.
Then there is the issue of my Mother, while my mother herself is not the issue, the issue involves her. You see I look after my mother, and I do it with the greatest of pleasure, although sometimes it is a struggle, as I do not earn a lot of money. While my brother helps me where he can, my sister does very little, please do not get me wrong here, I am not trying to name and shame anyone nor am I purposely airing our dirty laundry as they say but this has bothered me for some time and I do not know how to handle it. I have approached my sister about this before but have had no success, I am not asking for hand out just merely for her to take some responsibility as well. While I understand her reason for not doing more, I just feel that it’s a bit unfair that I am left to do it by myself. She believes that my mother lived her life made her mistakes and why must she suffer for it ok I understand SOME of her reasoning but not all of it. It really is a struggle for me honestly my brother has helped me so much even though he himself is struggling, whereas my sister has no financial problems at the moment. That is what bothers me the most, is that while she can help she does not, and I must admit it is causing a bit of resentment. I do not want to start 2012 off like this but I do not know quite how to deal with this issue without making the problem worse, the last thing I want is to cause a rift between my sister and I, as despite our issues I love her very much and do not want to have a strained relationship. (So here is where the peacemaker / people pleaser in me comes out and says well then this is best left unsaid and buried under the carpet)
I was sitting at my laptop and thinking if the things that needed to change and realised that the 2 problems above are 2 BIG issues in my life and I feel it is holding me back, while another issue is financial, it really is a struggle every month so tonight I decided to update my CV (resume) and apply for other jobs, jobs that paid more than what I was earning. I applied for one position and suddenly I felt this uneasiness come over me, it’s like when people say trust your gut, it was that kind of feeling that something was just not right, I chatted to my friend about it, he told me that I should listen and not look for another Job right now, God is clearly trying to tell me that the time is not right. Which led me to the question WHY? Why is the time not right, why have I been put in these situations, etc etc. My friend then told me that everything happens for a reason, God has a bigger plan for me and that me wanting to find another Job is not part of his plan right now. My friend is right; however it is still not easy. I have prayed about my financial situation before and things just do not seem to change, while I trust God and his plan, I just wonder sometimes wonder when things will change. While here it may seem to you that I have no faith that things will change, I prayed about it and continue to thank God for it. Maybe I am not doing it right I have no clue.
I will continue to pray and trust God and His timing, as well as some clarity on why finding another Job that will pay more not the right thing for me.
While some of you might think that I am complaining I really am not, this is something that has really been bothering me and I needed to get it out somehow, bottling it up is just making it worse.
So… sorry to those that have read this and did not enjoy reading it but this blog is after all my Journey and the struggles I face are part of the same Journey.
If anyone is facing a similar situation please feel free to leave a comment. I would love to know how others deal with these things.
God Bless all.
Posted on January 3, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged 2012, Abuse, Blog, Christianity, Clarity, Employment, Faith, Family, Feelings, Financial, God, Jesus, Life, Personal, PRAYER, Struggles, Timing, Uneasiness. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.