Wow it has really been a long time since I have posted here, at one point in my life I was on fire for God, and then… Life happened. Perhaps you reading this and your initial thought is here we go… an excuse …NO! I backslid and there is no excuse I can think of that can change that fact.
Here I am, drawing closer and closer to him, and as I sit here typing his blog I have tears streaming down my face, because as on fire as I was back then I NEVER and I mean NEVER felt his presence as strongly as I have these past few weeks.
You see my husband (Yes I am married now) and I have been struggling for a few years to have a baby, and as heart breaking as this is, I just don’t think that it is in God’s plan for us to have a baby right now… well not one that I carried and gave birth to that is, and you know what I am at peace with that, in fact my infertility no longer bothers me, because I serve a Good God one that is bigger than my fears and one who has a plan for my life so amazing that I cannot even begin to imagine what is in store for me.
We approached an adoption agency over a year ago, at the time my husband and I had discussed adoption and we had decided to explore that avenue. Well things never quite happened as we had discussed, you see the agency had told us that they were not taking applications for white babies… now before you go and get upset with me and accuse me of being racist, please read this to the end and then decide. My husband (Shaun) was worried or should I say concerned. Adoption is a HUGE step to take, and adopting a baby of a different race is an even bigger one. His main concern was not that the child would be of a different race or skin colour but it was about how would we answer the questions when they started to arise, about why do mom and dad look different to me, why do those people have parents that are the same colour as them but mine look different, another big concern was of that of the child, would they be teased, ridiculed because his/her parents didn’t want them etc… those were the concerns he had.
For me I did not really think about it, but I respected my husband enough to let him think about this decision. I prayed about it, I asked God that if adoption was meant to be that he plant that seed in Shaun’s heart and I left it at that. I trusted God, it took Shaun over a year to make the decision. Now here is where the story really gets interesting so please don’t leave now read on, I can promise you it will be worth it.
It was Sunday evening, we were in front of the TV and Shaun said to me that it seems like we are not meant to be biological parents right now but that he has thought about it and that he would like us to pursue adoption, I asked him if he was sure and reminded him that we would not get a white baby, he said yes, that he is ready and that no matter what race the baby was he wanted to be a dad and more than that he wanted us to be parents together.
We started the following week as we normally did, not discussing the adoption again but knowing we would eventually contact the agency and start the process, after work we went to the shop to get a few things and to save time Shaun went to one shop and I went to another. I got a Whatsapp message from an unknown number, saying that it was Cheryl and asking if we had successfully adopted a baby as yet. Now you must know that this message threw me for a 6, just the NIGHT BEFORE, Shaun had agreed for us to adopt, now I get this message from an unknown number, Cheryl was the lady I had spoken to a year back who had put me in touch with the agency. I knew then that this was all from GOD, I do not believe things like this is pure coincidence. I told Shaun and he could not believe her timing.
Needless to say the Tuesday morning we started the process. When we started completing the documents and getting everything ready things started going wrong and it looked like we would not get everything completed in time for the panel meeting to discuss our application, from the meeting being moved up by 3 weeks, to certain documents not arriving back on time, to us not being able to get to the doctor to do the medical on time, everything was stacked against us and it seemed we would have to wait until November for out application to even be reviewed. That’s when I decided I am not going to worry about it anymore. That this was all part of God’s plan and that however he meant for things to happen nothing I do would change his timing… and that is when things started happening. When at first it seemed the odds were stacked against us, was now in our favour. If I had to tell you every single thing that has happened you would be reading forever, but the events that followed since that first whatsapp was beyond my wildest dreams and if ever I had any doubts as to whether there was a God, I know for a fact there is one now. Shaun and I received confirmation after confirmation right down to the fact that I believe with all my heart that he has selected a special little girl for us and he has revealed to me what her name should be. ( Shaun still needs a little convincing, but he will get there), but I know deep down that this is ALL God, and that his plan for my life is so special and amazing.
I no longer fear the future, I now feel at peace knowing God is in control and that HE is bigger than my fears and HE is bigger than Shaun’s fears and that WE will be OK…
So today 16/09/2018 before we have our baby I am declaring that it is going to be a girl, and that her name will be…