How have you felt the presence of God in your life..?


adoptionWow it has really been a long time since I have posted here, at one point in my life I was on fire for God, and then… Life happened. Perhaps you reading this and your initial thought is here we go… an excuse …NO! I backslid and there is no excuse I can think of that can change that fact.

Here I am, drawing closer and closer to him, and as I sit here typing his blog I have tears streaming down my face, because as on fire as I was back then I NEVER and I mean NEVER felt his presence as strongly as I have these past few weeks.

You see my husband (Yes I am married now) and I have been struggling for a few years to have a baby, and as heart breaking as this is, I just don’t think that it is in God’s plan for us to have a baby right now… well not one that I carried and gave birth to that is, and you know what I am at peace with that, in fact my infertility no longer bothers me, because I serve a Good God one that is bigger than my fears and one who has a plan for my life so amazing that I cannot even begin to imagine what is in store for me.

We approached an adoption agency over a year ago, at the time my husband and I had discussed adoption and we had decided to explore that avenue. Well things never quite happened as we had discussed, you see the agency had told us that they were not taking applications for white babies… now before you go and get upset with me and accuse me of being racist, please read this to the end and then decide. My husband (Shaun) was worried or should I say concerned. Adoption is a HUGE step to take, and adopting a baby of a different race is an even bigger one. His main concern was not that the child would be of a different race or skin colour but it was about how would we answer the questions when they started to arise, about why do mom and dad look different to me, why do those people have parents that are the same colour as them but mine look different, another big concern was of that of the child, would they be teased, ridiculed because his/her parents didn’t want them etc… those were the concerns he had.

For me I did not really think about it, but I respected my husband enough to let him think about this decision. I prayed about it, I asked God that if adoption was meant to be that he plant that seed in Shaun’s heart and I left it at that. I trusted God, it took Shaun over a year to make the decision. Now here is where the story really gets interesting so please don’t leave now read on, I can promise you it will be worth it.

It was Sunday evening, we were in front of the TV and Shaun said to me that it seems like we are not meant to be biological parents right now but that he has thought about it and that he would like us to pursue adoption, I asked him if he was sure and reminded him that we would not get a white baby, he said yes, that he is ready and that no matter what race the baby was he wanted to be a dad and more than that he wanted us to be parents together.

We started the following week as we normally did, not discussing the adoption again but knowing we would eventually contact the agency and start the process, after work we went to the shop to get a few things and to save time Shaun went to one shop and I went to another. I got a Whatsapp message from an unknown number, saying that it was Cheryl and asking if we had successfully adopted a baby as yet. Now you must know that this message threw me for a 6, just the NIGHT BEFORE, Shaun had agreed for us to adopt, now I get this message from an unknown number, Cheryl was the lady I had spoken to a year back who had put me in touch with the agency. I knew then that this was all from GOD, I do not believe things like this is pure coincidence. I told Shaun and he could not believe her timing.

coincidence

Needless to say the Tuesday morning we started the process. When we started completing the documents and getting everything ready things started going wrong and it looked like we would not get everything completed in time for the panel meeting to discuss our application, from the meeting being moved up by 3 weeks, to certain documents not arriving back on time, to us not being able to get to the doctor to do the medical on time, everything was stacked against us and it seemed we would have to wait until November for out application to even be reviewed. That’s when I decided I am not going to worry about it anymore. That this was all part of God’s plan and that however he meant for things to happen nothing I do would change his timing… and that is when things started happening. When at first it seemed the odds were stacked against us, was now in our favour. If I had to tell you every single thing that has happened you would be reading forever, but the events that followed since that first whatsapp was beyond my wildest dreams and if ever I had any doubts as to whether there was a God, I know for a fact there is one now.  Shaun and I received confirmation after confirmation right down to the fact that I believe with all my heart that he has selected a special little girl for us and he has revealed to me what her name should be. ( Shaun still needs a little convincing, but he will get there), but I know deep down that this is ALL God, and that his plan for my life is so special and amazing.

I no longer fear the future, I now feel at peace knowing God is in control and that HE is bigger than my fears and HE is bigger than Shaun’s fears and that WE will be OK…

“Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

So today 16/09/2018 before we have our baby I am declaring that it is going to be a girl, and that her name will be…Makayla

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Crippling Negative Thoughts


negative-thinkingOK, so it’s been a VERY long time since I have posted here, from posting almost every day to 1 post in a blue moon, honestly it’s not because I did not want to but because I had nothing to write about, no inspiration, no stories to tell, no thoughts to share.

I must admit I do miss it as it was a release, or perhaps even an escape from reality, which sort of makes sense considering in the past year I haven’t had that need to escape, the need to run the need to be alone with my thoughts, the past year has been amazing, I have had so much happiness.

This is why I am here today. I know I have posted something similar before but I felt the need to do so again, somehow it all feels too good to be true as if I do not deserve all this happiness and it could be ripped away at any moment. These negative thoughts started creeping in my mind last night while my boyfriend was packing to go away for a conference, you see HE is the source of my recent happiness, I don’t remember the last time I have been this happy as I have been with him.

What you are about to read has been something I have struggled with for many years, but yesterday it came back with such an intensity that I started to cry. While you read this you might think I am crazy but I can assure you I am not, and unless you have experienced this there is no way for you to understand what it feels like to have these thoughts invade your mind and then when they are there to struggle to change them from a negative to a positive.

While my boyfriend was packing I looked at him and suddenly the thought that I would never see him again was all I could think about, these thoughts are not only scary but almost crippling, all I could think about was, what if… what if something happened and he never came home, where does that leave me… it got to the point that if I had remained in the room with him I would have burst into tears. so I got up and went to shower, in the shower the feelings just overwhelmed me and I could not stop the tears from coming, that did not last long though I stood in the shower and the first thing that came to my mind was GOD & CHURCH… why ??? I have no idea but it did. So I prayed for Shaun’s Safety and that he would return home to me. I then realized that my relationship with God has not been what it was. So I made a promise to not only fix that but to try and get Shaun to accept Him as well.

After showering I sat on the bed and thought to myself that I would discuss going back to church with  Shaun some other time, but something kept telling do it now, if you don’t do it now you never will. So I decided to tell Shaun and I did, he responded better than I had hoped he said it’s something he has been thinking about as well and that he is all open to us going to church.

So that is what we will be doing and it feels good.

There is still one thing though the negative thoughts while they went away last night after my decision they came back today, but now as writing this the negative thoughts are once again gone, however I know at some point they will return, does anyone else suffer from kind of anxiety and how do you deal with it?

It will be nice to hear from you guys.

Answers you get may not always be answers you want


So it’s been a while. Going to keep this short as I am pressed for time, I am ever present of the Lord in my life even though I haven’t been to church in a while, I feel him guiding me and giving me answers that I need, sometimes not always the answers that I want but certainly what I need.

 

I recently went for a Job interview, and asked that if it were in his will that I get it then great if not then I will take it as a stepping stone to the next thing in my life, well I didn’t get it as much as I was hoping I would as it would just make the financial burden on me a little less, I know it is probably for the best.

Needless to say Monday has not started off that great didn’t get the Job, had a huge argument with my sister and am stuck in a Job that currently makes me unhappy.

 

Luckily I have a good God that knows what his plan is for me and an amazing man in my life who is so supportive of me.

 

Thank you Lord for answering my prayers.

They can’t stand to see us SHINE… so SHINE bright for all of us to see.


I got an email from a friend today and the words are so very true it brought me back to reality and made me realise that this will happen as long as I am a Christian, because Satan does not like it. I must admit that the past few weeks my faith has been slightly off course, I dare say it has been non-existent, not only that but also that I have had the cheek to question God and his plan for my life.

I have been going through things that have not been great, at work and at home. I have had to make some tough decisions, whether they were the right ones I don’t know but I trust that God has directed me in the path that he wants me to go.

And in the weeks ahead there will be even more tough decisions to make. But hey they say what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger.

Here is a copy of the email and I am sure you will agree that all of us at some point in our lives have felt like this.

This is simply put, but so profound!

Once upon a time, a serpent chased a firefly.

The latter fled rapidly, afraid of the ferocious predator, but the serpent didn’t even think about giving up.

The firefly fled one day and the serpent didn’t give up; two days, and

nothing.*

*

On the third day, now clearly weakened, the firefly stopped and asked the

serpent:* *

Can I ask you three questions?*

*

I don’t usually proceed this way with anyone, but since I’m going to devour you anyway, you may ask**.*

*

Am I part of your food chain?* *

No.*

*

Did I harm you in any way?* *

No.*

*

So then, why do you want to finish me off?* * Because I can’t stand to see you shine.*

*

Many times, we don’t understand the reason for persecution, anger, lies, slander, why they make up stories about us, etc. . .

But here is one of the reasons:*

*They simply can’t stand to see you shine!!*

** **IN THIS NEW YEAR MAKE SURE U SHINE… LIKE NEVER BEFORE…****


What a lovely post, and so very very true, take a read you will definately be as blessed as I was to read it

Do we know how to pray?


It’s been a while since I posted last; honestly I have not had anything to write about. Things have been going good nothing major has happened. I went to church on Sunday and the pastor spoke of praying, and that many people do not know how to pray, I must admit I was never sure whether or not I was praying properly, it seemed that some of my prayers were being answered so I must be doing something right I suppose, but hey as I sat and listened to his sermon I realised even though my prayers were being answered, they generally revolved around me, it was always “God please help me with” or “God I really need an answer on this” but the bible tells you how to pray.

 

So I found this on the internet and it pretty much sums up what the pastor said on Sunday and it definitely give a good indication on how we should pray.  My reference for this post comes from http://www.allaboutprayer.org/lords-prayer.htm

 

 

Lord’s Prayer – A Devotion Based on Christ’s Model in Matthew 6

The Lord’s Prayer…

 

“Our Father in heaven” — We need to always acknowledge first and foremost who we are talking to. He (God) is our heavenly Father. We address Him with respect just as we should address our earthly father with respect. He is the only true God who created all things in this universe, including us. He loves us and we need to show our love for Him.

 

“Hallowed be your name” — We must see Him as being holy, sanctified, consecrated; worthy of praise, honour and glory!

 

“Your kingdom come” – We acknowledge His coming kingdom. We pray that Christ will soon return and establish His earthly kingdom where we will reign with Him for eternity.

 

“Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” — We need to be praying for His will to be done in our lives, so that we might bring glory to Him here on earth as He is also glorified in heaven. We need to do things His way, instead of selfishly doing our own things to satisfy our own desires.

 

“Give us today our daily bread” — We should ask our Father each day to provide for our needs, just as He promised in His Holy Word. His Word says that we don’t have, because we don’t ask. Of course, we must first know God through His Son, our personal Lord and Saviour. If we don’t know Christ, God won’t acknowledge this request for daily provision.

 

“Forgive us our debts (or transgressions) as we also have forgiven our debtors (transgressors)” — This speaks about forgiveness among our associates, neighbours, friends, family and loved ones. Any and all persons in our lives that we come in contact with in social or business situations are included as well. If we can’t forgive others, how can we expect our heavenly Father to forgive us?

 

“Lead us not into temptation” — We need to ask our heavenly Father to help us recognize every evil thing, every temptation before us. We need help to stay focused on our Father and see the evil that we might fall into, for what it is really is, a trap set by Satan to bring us down to his level.

 

“But deliver us from the evil one” — Help us, dear Father, to steer clear of that liar and deceiver. Let us see clearly the path that you want each of us to walk. By the power of the Holy Spirit that dwells within us, may we never stray from your will and way…

 

Lord’s Prayer – A Glorious Ending

Some commentators believe that the end of the Lord’s Prayer – “For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever” – was added by someone other than the original writer. Whether that’s true or not, this last phrase simply emphasizes more praise and glory to God the Father – so it’s absolutely biblical… a glorious ending to a model prayer to God!