Crippling Negative Thoughts


negative-thinkingOK, so it’s been a VERY long time since I have posted here, from posting almost every day to 1 post in a blue moon, honestly it’s not because I did not want to but because I had nothing to write about, no inspiration, no stories to tell, no thoughts to share.

I must admit I do miss it as it was a release, or perhaps even an escape from reality, which sort of makes sense considering in the past year I haven’t had that need to escape, the need to run the need to be alone with my thoughts, the past year has been amazing, I have had so much happiness.

This is why I am here today. I know I have posted something similar before but I felt the need to do so again, somehow it all feels too good to be true as if I do not deserve all this happiness and it could be ripped away at any moment. These negative thoughts started creeping in my mind last night while my boyfriend was packing to go away for a conference, you see HE is the source of my recent happiness, I don’t remember the last time I have been this happy as I have been with him.

What you are about to read has been something I have struggled with for many years, but yesterday it came back with such an intensity that I started to cry. While you read this you might think I am crazy but I can assure you I am not, and unless you have experienced this there is no way for you to understand what it feels like to have these thoughts invade your mind and then when they are there to struggle to change them from a negative to a positive.

While my boyfriend was packing I looked at him and suddenly the thought that I would never see him again was all I could think about, these thoughts are not only scary but almost crippling, all I could think about was, what if… what if something happened and he never came home, where does that leave me… it got to the point that if I had remained in the room with him I would have burst into tears. so I got up and went to shower, in the shower the feelings just overwhelmed me and I could not stop the tears from coming, that did not last long though I stood in the shower and the first thing that came to my mind was GOD & CHURCH… why ??? I have no idea but it did. So I prayed for Shaun’s Safety and that he would return home to me. I then realized that my relationship with God has not been what it was. So I made a promise to not only fix that but to try and get Shaun to accept Him as well.

After showering I sat on the bed and thought to myself that I would discuss going back to church with  Shaun some other time, but something kept telling do it now, if you don’t do it now you never will. So I decided to tell Shaun and I did, he responded better than I had hoped he said it’s something he has been thinking about as well and that he is all open to us going to church.

So that is what we will be doing and it feels good.

There is still one thing though the negative thoughts while they went away last night after my decision they came back today, but now as writing this the negative thoughts are once again gone, however I know at some point they will return, does anyone else suffer from kind of anxiety and how do you deal with it?

It will be nice to hear from you guys.

Answers you get may not always be answers you want


So it’s been a while. Going to keep this short as I am pressed for time, I am ever present of the Lord in my life even though I haven’t been to church in a while, I feel him guiding me and giving me answers that I need, sometimes not always the answers that I want but certainly what I need.

 

I recently went for a Job interview, and asked that if it were in his will that I get it then great if not then I will take it as a stepping stone to the next thing in my life, well I didn’t get it as much as I was hoping I would as it would just make the financial burden on me a little less, I know it is probably for the best.

Needless to say Monday has not started off that great didn’t get the Job, had a huge argument with my sister and am stuck in a Job that currently makes me unhappy.

 

Luckily I have a good God that knows what his plan is for me and an amazing man in my life who is so supportive of me.

 

Thank you Lord for answering my prayers.

They can’t stand to see us SHINE… so SHINE bright for all of us to see.


I got an email from a friend today and the words are so very true it brought me back to reality and made me realise that this will happen as long as I am a Christian, because Satan does not like it. I must admit that the past few weeks my faith has been slightly off course, I dare say it has been non-existent, not only that but also that I have had the cheek to question God and his plan for my life.

I have been going through things that have not been great, at work and at home. I have had to make some tough decisions, whether they were the right ones I don’t know but I trust that God has directed me in the path that he wants me to go.

And in the weeks ahead there will be even more tough decisions to make. But hey they say what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger.

Here is a copy of the email and I am sure you will agree that all of us at some point in our lives have felt like this.

This is simply put, but so profound!

Once upon a time, a serpent chased a firefly.

The latter fled rapidly, afraid of the ferocious predator, but the serpent didn’t even think about giving up.

The firefly fled one day and the serpent didn’t give up; two days, and

nothing.*

*

On the third day, now clearly weakened, the firefly stopped and asked the

serpent:* *

Can I ask you three questions?*

*

I don’t usually proceed this way with anyone, but since I’m going to devour you anyway, you may ask**.*

*

Am I part of your food chain?* *

No.*

*

Did I harm you in any way?* *

No.*

*

So then, why do you want to finish me off?* * Because I can’t stand to see you shine.*

*

Many times, we don’t understand the reason for persecution, anger, lies, slander, why they make up stories about us, etc. . .

But here is one of the reasons:*

*They simply can’t stand to see you shine!!*

** **IN THIS NEW YEAR MAKE SURE U SHINE… LIKE NEVER BEFORE…****


What a lovely post, and so very very true, take a read you will definately be as blessed as I was to read it

Do we know how to pray?


It’s been a while since I posted last; honestly I have not had anything to write about. Things have been going good nothing major has happened. I went to church on Sunday and the pastor spoke of praying, and that many people do not know how to pray, I must admit I was never sure whether or not I was praying properly, it seemed that some of my prayers were being answered so I must be doing something right I suppose, but hey as I sat and listened to his sermon I realised even though my prayers were being answered, they generally revolved around me, it was always “God please help me with” or “God I really need an answer on this” but the bible tells you how to pray.

 

So I found this on the internet and it pretty much sums up what the pastor said on Sunday and it definitely give a good indication on how we should pray.  My reference for this post comes from http://www.allaboutprayer.org/lords-prayer.htm

 

 

Lord’s Prayer – A Devotion Based on Christ’s Model in Matthew 6

The Lord’s Prayer…

 

“Our Father in heaven” — We need to always acknowledge first and foremost who we are talking to. He (God) is our heavenly Father. We address Him with respect just as we should address our earthly father with respect. He is the only true God who created all things in this universe, including us. He loves us and we need to show our love for Him.

 

“Hallowed be your name” — We must see Him as being holy, sanctified, consecrated; worthy of praise, honour and glory!

 

“Your kingdom come” – We acknowledge His coming kingdom. We pray that Christ will soon return and establish His earthly kingdom where we will reign with Him for eternity.

 

“Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” — We need to be praying for His will to be done in our lives, so that we might bring glory to Him here on earth as He is also glorified in heaven. We need to do things His way, instead of selfishly doing our own things to satisfy our own desires.

 

“Give us today our daily bread” — We should ask our Father each day to provide for our needs, just as He promised in His Holy Word. His Word says that we don’t have, because we don’t ask. Of course, we must first know God through His Son, our personal Lord and Saviour. If we don’t know Christ, God won’t acknowledge this request for daily provision.

 

“Forgive us our debts (or transgressions) as we also have forgiven our debtors (transgressors)” — This speaks about forgiveness among our associates, neighbours, friends, family and loved ones. Any and all persons in our lives that we come in contact with in social or business situations are included as well. If we can’t forgive others, how can we expect our heavenly Father to forgive us?

 

“Lead us not into temptation” — We need to ask our heavenly Father to help us recognize every evil thing, every temptation before us. We need help to stay focused on our Father and see the evil that we might fall into, for what it is really is, a trap set by Satan to bring us down to his level.

 

“But deliver us from the evil one” — Help us, dear Father, to steer clear of that liar and deceiver. Let us see clearly the path that you want each of us to walk. By the power of the Holy Spirit that dwells within us, may we never stray from your will and way…

 

Lord’s Prayer – A Glorious Ending

Some commentators believe that the end of the Lord’s Prayer – “For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever” – was added by someone other than the original writer. Whether that’s true or not, this last phrase simply emphasizes more praise and glory to God the Father – so it’s absolutely biblical… a glorious ending to a model prayer to God!


What a Lovely story take a read

Good Days and Bad Days


Well I haven’t been posting as regularly as I would like to but the past few days or should I say weeks have been hard for me.

 

I have been trying my best to fight these feelings but it is not easy. The last few weeks I have been on such an emotional roller-coaster, and right now I am struggling to think positively. I have had issues with family members, one that is suicidal due to financial problems, and as a result I am getting myself into financial trouble because I am just so scared of what might happen if someone does not help. Then there is another family member that is in the position to help but refuses to.

 

I know this might seem like I am whining and complaining but I need to let it out somehow, and at this point in time there is no one in my family that I can speak to, it’s almost as if we are at war with each other, because we don’t see eye to eye.

 

If I could explain how I feel so that you could understand the best thing I could use would be a rubber band stretched to its limit, and if it gets stretched any more then it will snap.

 

I feel almost as if I am falling further and further into this big hole and soon I will not be able to get out, don’t get me wrong I am praying and reading my bible, but nothing seems to change. I keep asking myself the question, is this God that is testing my faith perhaps? Or is this satan attacking me knowing exactly where my weaknesses are and feeding off of them. I just don’t know.

 

Whatever the answer to that question, my love for the Lord does not change, I know that he is here with me and that if he weren’t maybe things would be 10 times worse. One thing I know for sure I MUST KEEP the faith that things will improve, without God I cannot go on, this might seem like a contradiction to some people, but here is something for those of you that see it that way, I am human and also struggle with emotions, doubts and fears. Just because I choose to put my faith in God does not make it any easier. I dare say that it becomes even more difficult for us because we now have the devil trying to make us fall.

 

It is very easy to fall and think things that are not of Christ because our whole lives we have been conditioned into that way of thinking but when we submit to the Lord and strive to become like him it takes HARD work, determination, effort and above all else FAITH, to be able to stay on the narrow path.

There are many out there that are facing the same things I am, just know that you MUST keep the faith, God will never let you go through trials more than what you are able to overcome.

 

Just writing this post has made me feel slightly better actually. I don’t know about you but I find blogging to be quite therapeutic.

Genuine Blog Award


I would like to thank http://nadiesbrain.wordpress.com/ for nominating me for the Genuine Blogger Award, I feel truly blessed to be receiving all these awards as it means that I am making an impact in others lives. There are no specific rules for this award so you can nominate as few or as many people as you like. For this one i will nominate the following blogs

 

http://mylordisjesus.wordpress.com/

http://allthingsbeautifull.wordpress.com/

http://lionslead.wordpress.com/

http://byhisgrace211.wordpress.com/

 

 

Here are my nominations and of course I would nominate Sherline again if I could! Thanks!!

ABC Award


I would like to thank http://nadiesbrain.wordpress.com for nominating me for the ABC Award; this awards is a little different from the other awards I have received as I have to describe myself too, this is a lovely ideas as we also get to know the other people who we meet via our blog.

This one is simple – to ‘accept’ the award you just add the ABC Award logo to your blog –and then you share something about yourself with your readers and then pass the award on to other worthy bloggers – there’s no limit to how few – or how many – other bloggers you can send this to.

To share something about yourself – you will need to go through the alphabet and choose a word or phrase for each letter and use that to describe yourself – it might be something about you, something you like, or a place or thing you dream about. And that’s all – no long descriptions or detail – just create a new post, add your shiny new blog award badge and alphabet words and let your readers enjoy finding out a little more about you.

So here’s my alphabet about myself:

A

Adaptable

B

Blessed

C

caring

D

demure

E

educated

F

friendly

G

Gentle

H

happy

I

indecisive

J

Jesus

K

Kind

L

loyal

M

Mellow

N

Nutty

O

organized

P

particular

Q

quirky

R

romantic

S

smart

T

Trustworthy

U

understanding

V

Vigorous

W

warm

X

extreme

Y

Young

Z

zealous

 

Here are my nominations:

http://pastormikesays.wordpress.com/

http://drusillamott.wordpress.com/

http://mylordisjesus.wordpress.com

http://byhisgrace211.wordpress.com

 

Congrats! Can’t wait to see what everyone will say about themselves!

The Dry Season…


Someone emailed this story to me, whether it is true or not i am not sure but that is not the reason that I am posting it, I read this story and it brought tears to my eyes, and has a message for everyone if we just take the time to listen.

 

God Bless …

 

NOW THAT’S GOD

It was one of the hottest days of the dry season. We had not seen rain in almost a month. The crops were dying. Cows had stopped giving milk. The creeks and streams were long gone back into the earth. It was a dry season that would bankrupt several farmers before it was through.
Every day, my husband and his brothers would go about the arduous process of trying to get water to the fields. Lately this process had involved taking a truck to the local water rendering plant and filling it up with water. But severe rationing had cut everyone off. If we
Didn’t see some rain soon…we would lose everything. It was on this day that I learned the true lesson of sharing and witnessed the only miracle I have seen with my own eyes. I was in the kitchen making lunch for my husband and his brothers when I saw my
Six-year-old son, Billy, walking toward the woods. He wasn’t walking with the usual carefree abandon of a youth but with a serious purpose. I could only see his back. He was obviously walking with a great effort … trying to be as still as possible. Minutes after he disappeared into the woods, he came running out again, toward the house. I went back to making sandwiches; thinking that whatever task he had been doing was completed. Moments later, however, he was once again walking in that slow purposeful stride toward the woods. This activity went on for an hour: walking carefully to the woods, running back to the house.

Finally I couldn’t take it any longer and I crept out of the house and followed him on his journey (being very careful not to be seen…as he was obviously doing important work and didn’t need his Mommy checking up on him). He was cupping both hands in front of him as he walked, being very careful not to spill the water he held in them … maybe two or three tablespoons were held in his tiny hands. I sneaked close as he went into the woods. Branches and thorns slapped his little face, but he did not try to avoid them. He had a much higher purpose. As I leaned in to spy on him, I saw the most amazing site.

Several large deer loomed in front of him. Billy walked right up to them. I almost screamed for him to get away. A huge buck with elaborate antlers was dangerously close. But the buck did not threaten him…he didn’t even move as Billy knelt down. And I saw a tiny fawn lying on the ground; obviously suffering from dehydration and heat exhaustion, lift its head with great effort to lap up the water cupped in my beautiful boy’s hand. When the water was gone, Billy jumped up to run back to the house and I hid behind a tree.
I followed him back to the house to a spigot to which we had shut off the water. Billy opened it all the way up and a small trickle began to creep out. He knelt there, letting the drip, drip slowly fill up his makeshift “cup,” as the sun beat down on his little back. And it came clear to me: The trouble he had gotten into for playing with the hose the week before. The lecture he had received about the importance of not wasting water. The reason he didn’t ask me to help him. It took almost twenty minutes for the drops to fill his hands. When he stood up and began the trek back, I was there in front of him.

His little eyes just filled with tears. “I’m not wasting,” was all he said. As he began his walk, I joined him…with a small pot of water from the kitchen. I let him tend to the fawn. I stayed away. It was his job. I stood on the edge of the woods watching the most beautiful heart I have ever known working so hard to save another life. As the tears that rolled down my face began to hit the ground, other drops…and more drops…and more suddenly joined them. I looked up at the sky. It was as if God, himself, was weeping with pride.
Some will probably say that this was all just a huge coincidence. Those miracles don’t really exist. That it was bound to rain sometime. And I can’t argue with that… I’m not going to try. All I can say is that the rain that came that day saved our farm…just like the actions of one little boy saved another.
I don’t know if anyone will read this…but I had to send it out. To honor the memory of my beautiful Billy, who was taken from me much too soon… But not before showing me the true face of God, in a little, sunburned body.